GREENER GRASS

Only the federal government would not only be dumb enough to get into the
pot-growing business in the first place, but be so poor at it that medical
patients don't even want to light up.

The first tokers of Health Canada's pot called it disgusting and want their
money back.

"It's totally unsuitable for human consumption," Jim Wakeford, 58, an AIDS
patient in Gibsons, said last week. "It gave me a slight buzziness for about
three to five minutes, and that was it. I got no other effect from it."

Barrie Dalley, a 52-year-old Toronto man who uses marijuana to combat the
nausea associated with AIDS, said, "It made me nauseous because I had to use so
much of it. It was so weak in potency that I really threw up."

It is absolutely ridiculous that the federal government is paying Prairie Plant
Systems $5.75 million to grow pot in the first place.

It's understandable that the federal government wants to distribute medical
marijuana to medical patients rather than have them buy it off the street. But
why does the federal government have to grow it when the RCMP has thousands of
pounds of prime stuff in storage lockers all across Canada?

In fact, after large pot busts, RCMP have been known to store bags of the stuff
in unused rooms and prison cells while waiting for the evidence to be used in
court. In some cases, RCMP have actually had to rent semi-tractor trailers to
store the pot because there is so much of it they don't have room to store it
all.

When the case is over, much of the pot often goes up in smoke in a bonfire that
Cheech and Chong could only imagine in their wildest dreams.

So why should one arm of the government grow pot while another is lighting much
higher quality stuff on fire?

Laboratory tests indicate the Health Canada product has only about three per
cent THC -- not the 10.2 per cent advertised -- and contains contaminants such
as lead and arsenic, said spokesman Philippe Lucas of Victoria.

Meanwhile, "B.C. Bud" is in high demand all over North America because growers
have a reputation for having the greenest thumbs, regularly harvesting a
product with a 17 to 18 per cent tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) -- that's the stuff
that makes you high -- content, about double the intoxicating power of 1970s
and 1980s marijuana.

In fact, RCMP have recently confiscated batches with almost 30 per cent THC, a
major reason Canadian and American buyers are determined to get their hands on
such high-grade marijuana.

Instead of destroying this prime stuff, the federal government could collect it
from the RCMP and distribute it to medical patients at very little expense.

If the federal government still wanted to waste money buying the dope, it could
buy it from the RCMP. The RCMP could use the proceeds to hire more officers.

If the feds wanted to make even more money, they could have huge displays of
potato chips, chocolate bars, cookies and other munchies right beside the
medical marijuana pick-up window.