A VIEW SKEWED

As everyone on campus knows, Washington and Lee was recently named to the
esteemed (or much lamented depending on who you listen to) list of the
Princeton Review's top party schools.

We also ranked "impressively" in other categories such as hard liquor (#6),
beer (#3), and frats and srats (#2). Clearly though, there's been a lot of buzz
around campus especially about the party school ranking, considering all the
schools in front of us are major state universities, and we even pummeled a few
Goliaths such as University of Texas at Austin (#6) and Florida (#10). So how
did we get this high? The ranking is comprised of a "combination of survey
questions concerning the use of alcohol and drugs, hours of study each day, and
the popularity of the Greek system" (www.princetonreview.com). I've heard a lot
of students on Campus joke about "getting to number one" or "taking home the
national title" in the rankings next year. I figured I'd do a little scouting
report on the four schools ahead of us and a prognosis of our chances on
reaching the top of the party hill.

Outranking us are four schools: Illinois, Indiana, Wisconsin, and Colorado.
Each has roughly 15-20 times the enrollment we do on average, with Indiana
having the most students (30,752). They are all Midwestern except for Colorado,
and are located in predominantly college towns (from what my research tells
me). There's not much to do except for party, party, and party. Here's a
breakdown of our competition, from number four to number one.

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign: The name about says it all:
Champaign. Whoever designed the academics at Illinois may have consumed too
much of it and forgot to hire professors, because they rank #1 in the
undesirable category of Teaching Assistants Teach Too Many Upper Level Courses.
The Illini, uninspired by their TAs, don't spend much time hitting the books,
gaining them a #4 ranking in Students (Almost) Never Study. With such academic
prowess, and nothing to do in the bustling metropolis of Urbana-Champaign, they
represent well in per capita alcohol sales garnering #12 and #13 rankings in
beer and liquor.

University of Indiana-Bloomington-The Hoosiers live in the college metropolis
of Bloomington,, ranked #19 in college towns.

IU is home to one of the great basketball programs in college hoops, and their
students seem to take after former coach Bobby Knight in just not giving a damn
about anything. #2 in Students (Almost) Never Study, #4 in beer, #3 in frats
and #19 in "Reefer Madness", Indiana exhibits delinquency one would expect from
inner city hoodlums, not Midwestern farmboys and girls.

On the plus side, they do get a nod at #18 for having a great student
newspaper, putting us to shame here at The Trident.

University of Wisconsin-Madison-The Badgers booze harder than a herd of Irish
sailors on St. Patrick's Day. #1 in both beer and liquor, they drink all comers
under the table.

Why not celebrate?

They are in the #18 college town in the US, and their school spirit is high
since they are #20 in students who pack the stadiums.

I guess cheese is not the only thing Wisconsin produces, because they rank #4
in "Reefer Madness". It makes more sense when you see that they have seven
agricultural majors.

I don't think they are growing just wheat and corn...

University of Colorado-Boulder: These guys are like the New York Yankees of
partying. They've got all the advantages they need. If they didn't party hard,
it would be a failure.

The Buffaloes are situated just outside Denver and a measly 20 miles from the
Coors Brewery in Golden, CO. Big city, big brewery, big school equals big
parties.

The Buffaloes ignore their studies at the top rate in the country, and get
higher than Cheech and Chong at a Greatful Dead show to put them at #3 in
"Reefer Madness". Solid #4 rankings in both liquor and frats secure their
dominance, and a #11 ranking in beer ices the proverbial cake. There's nothing
they don't do well...except for academics.

Since I've heard a lot of discussion of how to navigate the road through the
final four, I'll offer my beautifully simple plan: Stop going to class, start
doing a lot of drugs and continue drinking.

In fact, you should put down your studies right now, forget about that major
C-School exam you've got, and help out the cause....not.

It's time for me to hit the soap box. Let's be realistic here people.

We are a small school in the middle of nowhere.

We have a faculty and administration who care about academic success.

Our rankings in professors bring the material to life (#7) and professors make
themselves accessible (#5) are remarkable. The administration, for all those
who criticize it lately, attained a #18 ranking for the school "running like
butter". We have a beautiful campus (#8) and happy students (#8). Ironically,
none of the other colleges in the top ten for party schools rank in the top 20
for happiness of students.

Beer doesn't always bring cheer apparently. Lexington is a quiet, small town
where there are actual residents.

We're not in a self-made haven of college kids. W&L is altogether different
from the other schools above us on this list and most of the ones below us.
Let's revel in the fact that we can be academically excellent, interact with a
regular community fairly well, and still have a lot of fun. Work hard and party
hard has always been a motto around here. We can work on lowering our high
rankings in "alternative lifestyles not an alternative" and "homogenous student
population", and try to continue to keep W&L the unique place that it is.