I (COUGH) LOVE RETIREMENT

We'd always wondered how staircase-racing Prime Minister Jean Chretien
would cope with the drudgery of retirement. And now we know.

In an interview published in Winnipeg yesterday, Mr. Chretien
acknowledged what many Ottawa insiders have long suspected: his
tortured secret life as a Cheech & Chong wannabe. "I don't know what
is marijuana," Mr. Chretien said, using syntax that, in anyone else,
would signal habitual use. "Perhaps I will try it when it will no
longer be criminal." Now there's an image: the battle-scarred veteran
of four decades in Parliament, slumped in a beanbag chair, hemp vest
open at the neck, lava lamp glowing in the corner. What's next,
snowboarding at the Olympics?