MORALISTS ARE SINNERS, TOO

Rush Limbaugh has made this a great week for me.

First, his utterly unexpected and unprecedented racist comments forced
him to resign from his pro football commentary job at ESPN.

Also, there's nothing on your paper, that's just sarcasm you feel
dripping on your leg.

Next, I won a pool on how quickly foot-in-mouth disease would cost
Limbaugh that job. And let me tell you, the battered goodness of the
dozens of Monte Cristos from O'Connell's that the prize will pay for
will taste even sweeter as a result.

Finally, we come to find that not only does Limbaugh sound racist, but
he might enjoy popping pills and sending his maid out to score his
stash, and that the feds are investigating him.

Seriously, is this a made-for-TV movie or what? Add a battered wife
and I think I've seen this one before on Lifetime.

This got me to thinking about the GOP.

A fundamental basis of their appeal is that they claim we were once a
perfect moral species and it's only because of commies, liberals, and
women too good to spend their time barefoot and pregnant in the
kitchen that there's any evil in the world now.

Thus, all you have to do is elect them and they'll return us to a
state of moral bliss.

To counter this specious claim, all it takes is a look at their
omnipresent moralists.

You've got William Bennett, the compulsive gambler. You've got
Limbaugh, the racist drug addict. Then there's the racist and
homophobic Jerry Falwell and a smattering of pastors who admonish us
to live by God's word while they cheat on their wives.

Hello? Oh, hey, Republican Party, how're you? What's that, you say you
need to hire a new moralist? Well, you've certainly struck out when it
comes to picking those lately, haven't you! Hello, hello?

You can take this hit parade all the way back to Biblical times, and
you still wouldn't find this mythical moral era.

After all, why do you think God had to hand down all those
thou-shalt-nots?

Let's face it: this belief that people used to be perfect moral
creatures does nothing but make old people feel good, earn Fox News
ratings, and create careers for neoconservative politicians.

Wouldn't we be better served by realizing that we are who we are and
working within those limits to create the best society possible?

Instead of electing people because they make us feel warm fuzzies
about how great our grandparents are and how much we suck, perhaps we
should elect them on the basis of their desire to make us work hard
and their ability to actually solve problems, rather than simply
create them.

After all, it's only through taking responsibility for our own actions
that we can become good.

And while that's not moral perfection, it's still quite a bit better
than the conservatives who exhort us to do as they say and not as they
do.

Asher Killian is a psychology and letters senior. His column
appears every other Tuesday.