UNTIE THE BRAIN

The allegations concerning the illicit purchase of prescription painkillers
by conservative talk show raconteur Rush Limbaugh should be troubling news
to his legion of fans. However, that would preclude the notion that his
audience of "Dittoheads" - those listeners who blindly concur with his
every misinformed and sophomoric harangue - has the slightest perception of
reality. Since they do not, the odds are good that "El Rushbo" will survive
the tawdry scandal. He will blame the "liberal media" for his addiction and
reassure his disciples that a cartel of evil Democrats was behind his
copious pill-popping. Perhaps he will interview himself in his
self-promoting newsletter and discover Hillary Clinton's handiwork behind
his criminal activity.

If the allegations against him are true, and the "doctor of democracy"
traded cigar boxes full of cash for cigar boxes full of OxyContin, what
should his punishment be? Surely, the role model for America's youth would
not expect to be merely slapped on the wrist for committing a felony. Just
like the poor are responsible for being poor, Rush will have to follow his
own strict rules of behavior and take his medicine (supervised, hopefully).

As a compassionate liberal, I would hate to see "talent on loan from God"
behind bars. There are currently too many Americans in jail. No, I suggest
community service. Rush could spend time working in a south Florida
homeless shelter; he could help environmental groups convince the current
administration that global warming is a serious concern; he could take a
class in African-American culture; he could spend time with a blue-collar
family and advise them on how best to invest their tax rebate; he could mow
the fairways of his country club for minimum wage; he could be required to
finish college. But at the very least, he should be court-ordered to untie
his brain.

J. Dash McKnight

Joplin