THE WORST THING LIBERAL WIMPS WOULD SAY IS 'HYPOCRISY!'

Rush Limbaugh

After all these years, I finally have come up with the definition of a
liberal wimp. It's someone who feels sorry for Rush Limbaugh.

Here is a man who has kept 20 million dittoheads on a closed loop of
right-wing rhetoric for three hours a day, five days a week, for 15 years
- -- a man for whom the word bombastic was invented.

Imagine what Limbaugh would say about some "feminazi" caught popping 30
illegal pills a day. Imagine how forgiving he would be to an "environmental
wacko" scoring OxyContin while tree-hugging. Or any liberal who had to be
outed by the National Enquirer before he took "full responsibility for my
problem."

This is a man who created so many petards over the years, it's hard to know
which one to hoist him by. How about the title of his book: See, I Told You
So. Or how about one of his many tirades against druggies: "The answer is
to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and
send them up the river, too." It's Limbaugh, after all, who complained,
"We're becoming too tolerant, folks."

But every time I rev up a rant, I imagine the demi-god of dittoheads
skulking around a dark parking lot to get his fix. I imagine the man
waiting, surely, for his housekeeper/drug dealer to drop a dime. I imagine
a lonesome, 275-pound guy who apparently never even told his wife when he
went into rehab and relapse twice. A man so hooked that he may have
sacrificed his hearing to his little blues.

And I, gulp, feel sorry for him.

This is the curse of liberal wimpathy. Conservatives talk of right and
wrong. Liberals talk of strengths and weaknesses. The right thinks of drug
abuse in particular as a moral failing; the left thinks of it as a medical
illness. When one of ours goes bad, the conservatives jump on him like a
churchyard dog. When one of theirs goes bad, we tend to . . . understand.

With a few exceptions, conservatives have shown some fancy footwork in
defending Limbaugh. Former Bush speechwriter David Frum said, "I don't
think any less of him for having ordinary frailties." Gary Bauer, president
of American Values, made a moral distinction between getting addicted to
get high and getting addicted to kill pain. Rich Lowry, editor of National
Review, defended Limbaugh to Don Imus because Limbaugh never claimed to be
a victim. And a dittohead caller on Limbaugh's show said, "We all make
mistakes."

Meanwhile opponents, such as this wimpette, who would generally like to put
a sock in Limbaugh's mouth, are restrained to the point of gentility. Even
Al Franken, who wrote Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot, said, "I don't wish
that (drug addiction) on anyone." Joe Conason, author of "Big Lies," said,
"It's hard not to feel sorry for anyone whose suffering causes them to
hustle narcotics." And Howie Kurtz, the media voice of a favorite Limbaugh
target, The Washington Post, wrote, "I suspect [that] most people, even
those who can't stand the guy, will see a man struggling with his personal
demons and be careful about condemning him for his weakness."

Does being a member of the righteous right mean never having to say you're
sorry? The closest Limbaugh came to an apology is saying, "Well, I am no
role model," for going into rehab. But his fans give him a prayerful pass.

His opponents, however, are members of a left that has always been touchy
(and feely) about value judgments. The worst charge that a liberal launches
at the misbehavior of a Bill Bennett or Rush Limbaugh is one of
"hypocrisy!" Gasp. Last time I looked, hypocrisy wasn't even on the waiting
list for additions to the Ten Commandments.

Limbaugh once described himself as an "epitome of morality of virtue, a man
you could totally trust with your wife, your daughter and even your son in
a Motel 6 overnight." We have yet to see whether the police agree. But in
the court of public opinion, the talk master and voice of the angry white
man, who once had his bags carried into the White House by George Bush the
First, is being treated with the sort of tolerance and forgiveness that he
disparages.

So call me a wimp. When bad things happen to bad people, I have trouble
going for the jugular. Wimpathy by another name is plain ol' empathy. And
willy-nilly, Limbaugh gets a slice of mine.

In his statement, Limbaugh asked us to pray for him. Well, I'll pass. But I
will hope that while big Limbaugh is in rehab, he learns to walk a corridor
in somebody else's shoes.