WELCOME TO ADDICT'S WORLD, LIMBAUGH

Just For Today

``Let's all admit something. There's nothing good about drug use. And we
have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing
drugs. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to
be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.'' --
Rush Limbaugh on his syndicated radio show, Oct. 5, 1995

As a guy who's somewhat liberal, it would be very easy to feel a sense of
mean-spirited satisfaction over Rush Limbaugh's declaration last week that
he's a drug addict.

After all, here's a guy who's been the epitome of judgmental conservatism, a
man who's shown little tolerance or compassion for anything or anyone.
Granted, part of it is his job -- he thrives on controversy, because it
increases ratings. But a lot of it, I think, is the small-minded mentality
that the rest of us need to hitch our wagons to the conservative way of
life, because any other path leads to social, political and moral damnation.

It appears Mr. Limbaugh, for all of his high-road propaganda, found some
damnation of his own.

I've never liked Limbaugh or his radio show. I used to tune in occasionally,
driving to work, just to get a chuckle out of the idiocy of logic -- and
that of listeners who called in as well. Most of the time, it ended up
making me angry, and I changed stations after a few minutes.

And so a part of me finds it cruelly ironic that a man who's made a career
of telling others how to live their lives should suddenly find himself in
such a position. In the past, he's ranted about what a scourge drugs can be
and how those who use drugs should be locked up.

Today, as much as I want to laugh gleefully at his downfall, I can't.
Because I know what he's going through.

If he went to a treatment facility at the close of Friday's show, as he
declared he would, then no doubt he's in a world of misery right now. Opiate
usage -- painkillers, which he said he's addicted to -- cause a physical
dependence that's torturous to withdraw from. Withdrawal won't kill you, but
you'll pray for death. I did.

He's probably doubled over with cramps, his stomach unable to process solid
food or deal with copious amounts of stomach acid. Opiates, you see, slow
down the digestive system. When they're gone, the body speeds up, suddenly
free from the chemicals that kept it in low gear for so long.

The pulse races. You go from chills to hot flashes as the body attempts to
regulate itself. You can't sleep, because the pain receptors in the brain,
so used to a daily supply of opiates, are starving and withering. It feels
like you have worms crawling around at the base of your skull. Your whole
body aches, as if you have the worst case of the flu known to medical
science.

Granted, treatment facilities don't let you suffer through these symptoms.
They do their best to counteract withdrawal, and medications are given daily
to regulate blood pressure, stomach cramps, diarrhea and body aches. But no
matter what the doctors and nurses do, the pain is inevitable. That's part
of the process -- recovering addicts need to remember that pain, because it
helps us to keep from going back to the drugs that cause them.

The question is whether Mr. Limbaugh will take responsibility for his
recovery and work to keep it at bay. So far, he seems to be blaming his
addiction on everyone else -- on Friday, he told his listeners that, ``I'm a
perfect example of what happens when the touchy-feely,
do-it-if-it-feels-good liberals have their way. People like me feel like
they can get away with anything and they shouldn't have to answer to God or
anyone else. And it's all the fault of the radical Left.''

As much as I want to call him a sanctimonious, self-righteous S.O.B., I
can't.

Because I know. I know what it's like to wake up in the Bible-black predawn,
the fluorescent hallway lights of the treatment center stabbing at the eyes,
the snores and moans of a stranger in the next bed unnerving to hear. I know
what it's like to stagger to the bathroom, feeling as if your guts are
clawing their way out, crouching on legs that have forgotten how to walk.

I know what it's like to look back at a life and a career wrecked by drugs
and my own actions, and to have absolutely no hope.

No, I can only feel sorry for Mr. Limbaugh. And I truly do wish him luck.
Because recovery has given me hope, and if it works for me and thousands
like me, it can work for him, too, if he wants it.

Steve Wildsmith is the Weekend editor for The Daily Times and a recovering
addict. His entertainment column and stories appear each Friday in the
Weekend section.