DISCIPLINE, SUPERVISION ARE FACTORS IN RESPECT

Parents Have Influence On Kids' Attitudes

Why don't kids respect authority?

Ask any community leader or those who work with youths and you're
likely to hear two key reasons: Their parents haven't taught them to
respect authority and they're influenced by music, movies and
television shows that make disrespect seem socially acceptable.

Certainly not all kids are disrespectful. However, community leaders
agree that today's youth tend to have less respect for authority than
the generations whose parents demanded respect and rewarded defiance
with swats on the behind. Those are the generations that tend to say
"please," "thank you," "ma'am" and "sir" long after they've become
adults.

Authorities who work with youths say that a lack of respect breeds a
multitude of problems: strife at home and school, in relationships,
and, if left unchecked, trouble with the law. For example, youths who
aren't required to follow rules or suffer consequences are more likely
to see no harm in experimenting with alcohol or drugs.

And in some cases, the youths are only following in their parents'
footsteps, or they share their parents' anger when police or school
officials step in to address a problem.

One reason for declining respect is that today's parents are children
of the 1960s and '70s, said Fred Walker, chairman of the Long Beach
Drug Task Force.

"We were the anti-establishment generation and we reared our children
accordingly," he said.

"MTV, VH-1, the raucous movies and music make it look abnormal if
someone respects authority. Sometimes the result is that both parents
and children start the school year with a chip on their shoulder."

Some community leaders point to negative influences from peer
pressure, but most agree that a lack of discipline and parental
supervision are a major cause.

"Respect is not expected from the beginning of kids' lives," said
Julie Teater, a clinical psychologist with Consulting Psychological
Resources in Biloxi.

Children who don't learn to show respect by the toddler stage also
will have problems as they grow older and their circle of authority
widens to others, such as teachers, she said.

"They will remain egocentric and believe the world does revolve around
them," she said.

Teater said it reinforces rebellion when parents argue or complain
about expectations that are placed on their children from the outside,
such as in school.

"If the parents complain about the boss, police or law in a negative
manner, kids only see or hear about how authority is a negative
influence in our lives instead of how they provide us with safe
boundaries to navigate our lives."

James Dobson, a Christian psychologist, author and founder of the
nonprofit organization Focus on The Family, considers respect for
authority one of the most important life-coping skills that parents
can teach their children.

In "Six Keys To Shaping A Child's Will," published online at
www.family.org, Dobson recommends that adults win the battle of wills
"decisively and confidently. Nothing is more destructive to parental
leadership than for a mother or father to disintegrate during a struggle.

"When parents consistently lose those battles, resorting to tears and
screaming and other evidence of frustration, some dramatic changes
take place in the way they are seen by their children. Instead of
being secure and confident leaders, they become spineless jellyfish
who are unworthy of respect or allegiance."

Respect works both ways, said Sue Reed, executive director of the Boys
& Girls Clubs of the Gulf Coast.

"Some children feel powerless within the context of their own lives
and so act accordingly," she said.

"As simple as it may sound, our kids need caring adults to talk to and
caring adults who listen. They need adults who give them a voice but
set boundaries, adults who respect them and teach them to respect
others, adults who teach them right from wrong."

Sgt. Ken Broadus of the Jackson County Sheriff's Department said he
believes the majority of kids are respectful. However, he sees his
share of defiance on underage drinking raids and while enforcing
tobacco laws.

"Kids in the rural areas, like Vancleave, Hurley, Wade and East
Central, have a very respectful attitude. When we are dealing with
them at parties or individually, they are polite, courteous, use
manners and have posed no (other) problems. On the other hand, kids in
Gulf Park Estates and St. Andrews in Ocean Springs and St. Martin have
exhibited rude attitudes, used bad language, thrown bottles and been
disruptive enough that they went to jail."

Studies that show church attendance is lower than 30 years ago may
provide another reason for declining respect, said Walker.

"The Bible has much to say about respecting authority," he said, "and
it's logical that if fewer parents and children hear that message,
problems result."

Julie Teater, clinical psychologist, Consulting Psychological
Resources LLC

Sue Reed, executive director, Boys & Girls Clubs of the Gulf
Coast