THE WHOLESALE BUYER'S CRITERIA

Management at a successful Oakland cannabis club (91 employees, days when
the gross exceeds six figures) has developed a handy one-page checklist for
use by buyers as they evaluate the pounds of dried herb brought in by
growers. The so-called medical marijuana movement is really a business,
dear reader, and only the efficient maximize their profits.

The checklist contains nine categories in a vertical column. The buyer
samples the grower's cannabis and awards points based on his assessment in
five of the categories.

First and foremost is 'aroma/smell.' If the buyer has to 'pinch 4 smell,'
he awards the product one point. If the smell reaches him when the bag is
first opened, two points. If the scent wafts through the closed bag
(typically the heavy-duty type used for roasting turkeys), the grower gets
the maximum: four points.

'Crystal content' is the second criterion. The grower gets one point for
'on the inside of bud,' two for 'on inside and outside,' and four for 'All
over bud & bag.'

Third is 'cure/dryness/texture.' One point is given for 'spongy with
crackle, no clear snap.' Two for 'bends slightly, no crackle, clear snap.'
Three for "slight to no bend with a clean [sic] snap.'

Fourth is 'consistent size of bud.' One point for 'all small buds,' two for
'mix of small and big buds,' three for 'all tops.'

Fifth comes 'length of flavor.' One 'bonus point' is awarded for 'full
flavor every hit.'

The minimum total score for an acceptable product is four points, which
gets the grower $3,100 a pound --or did, as of a month ago, when this
checklist was provided to C-Notes. The price offered to the grower
increases $100 for every point awarded; five points = $3,200/lb, six points
- - $3,300, and so on. If a sample is deemed top-grade --14 or 15 points--
management approval is required prior to a pay-out of $4,100 or $4,200/lb.

The checklist designates four other categories 'for market use only.'
Presumably the info collected is to be shared with prospective customers,
but will not influence the price paid to the grower. The additional
categories are:

* 'Characteristics.' The options are 'smooth,' 'spicy,' 'harsh,' 'green,'
'hash-like,' 'sage [or sugar],' and 'fruity.'

* 'Buzz type.' The options are 'sleeper high,' 'creeper,' 'head,' and 'body.'

* 'Growing Conditions,' broken down into 'hydroponic,' 'hormone,' 'soil,'
'inside,' 'outside,' and 'organic.'

* 'Strain origin.' In addition to filling in a name, the buyer is to
distinguish between pure lines and crosses.

Philip Denney, MD, was shown the buyer's checklist and remarked that the
priority given to smell reflects the triumph of marketing, since cannabis
gets its aroma from terpenes, which, although not inert, are not as
significant as the cannabinoids in determining medicinal effect. It also
appears that there's no pay-off for organic production, which is a shame,
and that plants grown outdoors, which contain the fullest expression of
trace elements (thanks to full-spectrum sunlight) actually command a lower
price (as a result of wind 'damage'). Cannabis grown outdoors accounts for
only about 10% of the total bought by the Oakland clubs.

The checklist list makes no reference to medical conditions for which a
given strain might be particularly effective. Presumably the buyer-grower
dialog does not touch on this subject. Which is also a damn shame.

The thought and effort that went into developing the buyer's checklist
could have gone into --maybe still could go into-- developing procedures
that promote bona fide medical research. Soon after Prop 215 passed, a
number of club proprietors, lawyers, and patients' advocates began meeting
regularly to plan a trade group --the Medical Cannabis Association-- to
pursue the mutual interests of its members. The stated goals included
lowering the price of cannabis and conducting research to identify and
develop plant strains best suited for treating specific ailments.

Such work was already being done in England by G.W. pharmaceuticals, under
license from the Home Office. G.W. scientists had identified several
chemically active cannabinoids, and were developing strains in which those
'of interest' were present in different proportions. They hypothesized
that Cannabidiol (CBD, which exists only in trace amounts in the marijuana
available in California), would turn out to be the sedative,
anti-convulsant component of the plant.

If the Medical Cannabis Association had lived up to its name, the
dispensaries --being the link between growers and patients, and having the
physicial and financial resources at their disposal-- would have attempted
to do in California, however crudely, what G.W. was doing with government
backing in a civilized country.

The clubs could have distributed high-CBD seeds (obtainable in Europe) to
participating growers, and hired an analytical chemist to identify the
cannabinoids of interest. California growers could have developed strains
with different cannabinoid ratios, and the dispensaries could have
encouraged their patient/customers to take part in n = 1 trials to test
their efficacy. ('Try this strain for the next three weeks and report back.")

Instead, club personnel share with patients vague generalizations like
"sativa is more cerebral" and "indica more physical;" or 'Train wreck' is
supposedly more effective for a given condition than 'Purple skunk.' But
the truth is, seven years after the passage of Prop 215, there is no
organized collection of medical data going on at the club level. Instead of
emulating G.W. Pharmaceuticals, the club proprietors tend to badmouth and
resent their corporate counterpart. Recently an activist who should know
better said that Dr. Ethan Russo, in deciding to work full-time for G.W.,
had 'gone over to the dark side.' Thus the small shopkeepers and their
'activist' allies deride the ambitious Brits while secretly wishing that
they themselves stood to make billions instead of mere millions. A Marxist
might call it a split between the petit bourgeoisie and the big
bourgeoisie... Or a case study in how a potentially radical movement gets
co-opted, contained, and turned into a fancy facade for a profitable industry.

Squares

Squares come in all shapes and sizes

Some of them even smoke pot --a lot!

Life is full of surprises

In disguises

Squares can be red as beets

Some of them even lead marches

Our arches

Have fallen over the streets

in defeats

Squares don't have to be straight, my dear

Some can be oh so gay

With AIDS! Although they say to say 'Queer'

This year

Squares had a scare years ago, see

They've been getting revenge ever since

There's hints Of a vast four-sided conspiracy

Containing you and me

But there's even squares with five sides

Wider than they are high

Who knows why?

It's the triumph of the bourgeoisie

a function of geometry.