THE REAL FACE OF A METH SURVIVOR

Hinton Parklander - As I anticipated my interview with *Christine, a
reformed meth addict, I couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.

I imagined sitting down in a small apartment, with someone tired and
weathered from years of abuse, who would apprehensively answer my
prefabricated questions in a clinical exchange.

I arrived at Christine's address, a house, where her and her young child
live. From our first meeting she was friendly, forthright and made me feel
like an invited guest. We sat across from one another at a kitchen table in
a pristinely clean house. Her young child played around us, and between
pockets of her story, she would engage and praise him with a calmness and
patience I certainly don't have.

My notions of this woman were squashed and I forgot about my prefabricated
questions, as she told her tale.

Falling in love with the high

She was in fact raised well by all accounts, a big home, two parents,
siblings and an emphasis on education that still is prominent in her life
today. Christine was an honour-roll student, a kid that spent summers at
space camp, a student that was well liked by teachers. But there was also a
fascination with the drug culture and its icons, like Jim Morrison.

In her mid teens Christine started to use alcohol, then pot. Meth wasn't
available in her high school at the time. Then, while away at university
she started trying drugs...all kinds of drugs. Her status as a straight-A
student started to decline but the drugs were so fun, and her grades
remained adequate enough to not be a problem.

During her first Christmas holiday from university she returned to Hinton,
and tried meth, or speed as she refers to it, for the first time. She
instantly fell in love with the high.

She describes it as "taking over the whole being, a feeling of well being,
total empowerment".

Back at university she again had no access to speed and couldn't find an
alternative drug that would equivocate the sensation. When she returned to
Hinton again in the summer, she resumed her meth use and drank, "a lot".

A second year of university went by, again no meth. But it too was followed
by another summer of abuse in Hinton. "My grades are ok, I'm holding down a
job, I'm young, it's what I'm suppose to do," is what she told her family,
and herself. Writing in a journal her plan, "Use drugs until 23, stop, get
degree and continue with life." The plan quickly changed.

A life off-track

By the end of the second summer Christine decided not to return to
University. Although not the main reason, the lack of access to meth
certainly contributed to this decision. Growing up she believed that after
high school you go to university. That's just what happens. Now, the
lifelong belief and plan had disappeared.

Through a number of events Christine was now living in a "drug house," with
her friends, "using" everyday. The highs were not as fun as they once were.
One day after and estimated 12 to 14 consecutive days awake, hallucinations
were so bad she was unable to differentiate between the effects of the
drugs and reality. "What I was experiencing was terrifying," she said.

The incident prompted her to stop using for a few weeks. She mostly slept
and was, otherwise angry and difficult to be around. Soon she convinced
herself that she was young and fine, and resumed her drug use.

But now using meth seemed different, the hallucinations became more
frequent, came on easier, and the high had a negative feel about it. It was
no longer fun at all.

"We wanted what real people had," she said, adding that she and her
friends, did not believe their lives were real.

By now, living with her user boyfriend, she was not working. For an
extended period she existed this way, not eating properly, loosing weight
and generally was malnourished. She was miserable but also knew herself to
be an emotional person, and thought her array of moods and feelings were
just her personality. Back when she was "using" there wasn't the
information available on meth regarding how it plays with your moods. The
drug exaggerated her feelings and overwhelmingly fearful of her boyfriend
and his violent temper, she decided she had to stop using.

She chose to leave

One day she accepted willingly an invitation from her dad for dinner. She
was confronted and worked over by her family but had already made a
decision that she should try to stop using.

A few days later Christine called her dad to tell him she was leaving the
drug house. Her dad was overjoyed. He told her that she had been booked
into rehab and asked if she would go. To her family's surprise she agreed
and a week later was attending AADAC sessions. She remains drug free today
through great support of family and organisations here in Hinton.

Now, years later, Christine has returned to the plan. She returned to
school, she has a professional job, and raises her child with kindness and
honesty. Her cantor and openess surprised me, as I found myself feeling at
home in this woman's house. This woman who is young, fresh faced and coming
forward with her story in an effort to make people aware. Aware that meth
users are average people, not a stereo type.

When I asked Christine what her message was she rubbed her face and seemed
exasperated. "I don't have the answers, I wish I did," she said. From my
point of view her story is her message, and the message is that meth users
can stop, and full, normal lives can resume.

There are people and organizations in this community that are prepared to
assist people in their recovery and ongoing battle to remain drug free. *
the name in this story has been changed to protect the identity of our source.