'I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH I HAD LOST'

A Man Who Lost Almost Everything To His Drug Problem Now Wants To Help
Others Like Him

Russ Hockema had a drug problem for about 20 years.

The Corvallis man lost friends. He lost contact with his family. He lost
himself, his identity.

"I was constantly finding myself in trouble," he said.

Hockema, 44, remembers the day early last year when he decided to stop
trying to escape his past.

He was on probation after serving jail time on a drug possession charge and
hadn't checked in with the Benton County Parole and Probation office as
ordered by the court for months. There was a warrant out for his arrest,
and he knew it.

Josh Hall, Hockema's probation officer, remembers the day, too. Hall
arrested him and took him across the street to the Benton County jail. For
Hall, it was his first interaction with Hockema. Hall recalls how
disheveled and malnourished Hockema looked.

"I had spent so many years running from who I was, what I was, and I was
tired of that," Hockema said. "That began the day I surrendered to my drug
problem."

But that wasn't the end of his drug problem. During a six-month period in
2002 after Hockema turned himself in, he passed just one of many urinalysis
drug tests.

"It took a while for him to give it up," Hall said. "The first nine months,
I was unsure which direction he was going to go."

Hockema graduated from Benton County's drug treatment court last week,
turning a page in his life's book. He's no longer on probation. He has kept
his job as a cook at Ruby Tuesday restaurant for seven months now, and he
has his own place to live again.

Hockema was the focus of a Gazette-Times story when the county's Day
Reporting Center closed due to budget cuts June 1. Offenders who used
services offered at the center were sent to other area agencies. The
diversion program for domestic violence offenders was discontinued.

Before losing his apartment and job to his abuse, he was what he calls a
"functioning addict," someone who was working simply to supply his habit.
The last few months before he turned himself in, Hockema was couch-surfing,
going from one "dope house" to another in the Corvallis area every night to
sleep.

Hockema, who has three sisters and a brother, lost the support of his
family when they realized he wasn't going to stop using drugs, which
included methamphetamine and marijuana.

"I chose my addiction over them," he said.

Hockema substituted for his family people who had similar problems to his.

That changed after he began to make better life choices.

His family's Thanksgiving celebration last month was the first time he had
seen some of his siblings in years. On Nov. 28, the day after the holiday,
he celebrated one year of sobriety.

"I had missed them so much," Hockema said. "During my addiction, I didn't
realize how much I had lost.

"It was one of the best holidays I had in many years," he said.

The day reminded Hockema of how far he had come.

He spent 10 days in jails for absconding from probation. Then there was
four months at Klamath Community Treatment Center, a drug recovery facility
in Klamath Falls that Hall got him into. There, he was put on the "as long
as it takes" plan. As in, as long as it takes for him to get clean.

"He was a totally different person when he came back," Hall said. "He had
life in his eyes again."

After returning, he lived at the county's offender transition center in
downtown Corvallis, allowing him to take advantage of all the treatment
services available.

Hockema credits the "dedicated and caring" efforts of Hall for helping him
get back on track. It was Hall, he says, who kept him heading in the right
direction.

"When I couldn't stand up, he stood up for me," Hockema said. "He didn't
let me fall through the cracks."

But Hall says Hockema, like all of his clients, has to make his own
decisions to get clean and admit the poor decisions, which Hall says is the
hardest part.

Hall often takes the "show-me" approach with clients, making them show in
actions, not words, what they are going to do.

"I began to believe in him when he was sober for five, six months," Hall said.

Hockema also points to a newfound spirituality that helped him believe in
himself and the ability to stay clean.

"I have found a higher power that works for me and gives me what I need,"
he said.

Hoping to gain back the trust he lost, Hockema has dreams of being a drug
counselor and helping those who have the same problems he battled just a
few short years ago.

"It's important that we give back what was so freely given to us," he said.
"I've been given a tremendous opportunity to get back on track, and I feel
I have something I can offer in terms of helping others."

Hall celebrates Hockema's accomplishments but also notes that he is not
unique. There are many people out there like him. The services are there,
he says. The offenders simply need to make a choice to change their lives.

"He bought into sobriety. He bought into recovery," Hall said. "He's an
example of someone who bought into the system and what was offered."

Throughout Hockema's recovery, the two spent hours talking about life,
making good decisions and putting himself in positive situations.

Hall estimates the parole and probation office spent hundreds of hours on
Hockema, "and he's worth every cent we spent, I think. It saved the rest of
the community from his abuse."