DON'T BUY INTO 'DRUG TESTING BLUES'

Larry Morgan Morgan lives in Roanoke and works as an engineer at a local
manufacturing company.

Roanoke County schools are considering random, suspicionless drug testing
of students involved in extracurricular activities, or those who drive to
school.

In spite of the conflicting evidence as to the effectiveness of such a
program, and its admitted cost, members of the school administration are
selling this proposal in meetings around the county. If they succeed,
scenes like the following might be played out in every middle and high
school in the county.

Drug Testing Blues:

A one-act tragedy coming soon to a school near you.

Time: The not-too-distant future

Place: Any school, Roanoke County, Va.

Scene 1: A school administrator leans into the PA system microphone.

Administrator: "Paging student 0. Paging student 0. Please come to the office."

Student 0: "Yes, sir?"

Administrator: "Your number is up, so pee in this cup."

Student 0: "But I just went to the bathroom." Administrator: "Don't get
smart with me. This is a drug test."

Student 0: "Why me? I haven't done anything wrong."

Administrator: "Aren't you on the chess team, debate team and in the band?"

Student 0: "Yes, but ...."

Administrator: "That's good enough for us. Now let's go pee."

Student 0: "'Us?' Don't you mean just me?"

Administrator: "Well, I'll just be there to watch."

Student 0: "Pardon me? Did you say watch?"

Administrator: "Those are the rules. I have to ensure chain of custody and
all that. Just like the people on CSI."

Student 0: "But I haven't done anything."

Administrator: "I'll be the judge of that. You know I can punish you for
refusing a direct order. So are you going to pee, or do I have to call the
SRO?"

Student 0: "OK, I'll go."

Administrator: "I'm glad you have come to your senses."

Scene 2: Somewhat later in the administrator's private office. Bright
lights shine into the student's face.

Administrator: "You test positive for amphetamines. I knew you were a
druggie, just like all those other delinquents."

Student 0: "Could it be the Ritalin?"

Administrator (voice raised): "You didn't tell me you were on Ritalin!"

Student 0: "But it's on my school records. The school nurse administers it
every morning. How could you not know?"

Administrator: "I told you not to get smart with me, kid. I'm feeling
generous this morning. You can go for now, but based on this positive test,
we'll be watching you. Just remember, now we can retest you any time we want."

Student 0: "But I didn't do anything."

Administrator: "Get out of here before I suspend you for that mouth."

As the student walks through the outer office, all eyes are on him. We hear
the administrator's voice over the intercom.

Administrator: "Send in the next druggie."

Exaggeration? Of course. But not much.

If you think this is a bad policy, contact your school board member. Tell
him or her no. Because the proponents are well-organized and powerful, if
misguided and misinformed. Your silence is their ally.