FORMER METH ADDICT RECALLS HIS STRUGGLE

EDITOR'S NOTE: The real name of the former methamphetamine addict
interviewed for this story has not been used at his request, out of
respect for his privacy and for his own safety. He will be referred to
as John Doe in the article.

PARKERSBURG - An addiction to methamphetamine nearly cost a 31-year-old
Parkersburg man his life.

Friends turned their backs on him, he surrounded himself with others hooked
on the dangerous, highly addictive drug, alienated his family, lost his
girlfriend, lost his job, was unable to eat, lost weight, went for days
without sleeping and then crashed, sleeping for days on end.

Ultimately he lost his freedom when he ended up in jail after committing
felonies under the influence of meth. He admits he was well on the road to
total self-destruction, all the time telling himself he could quit anytime.

"I used meth steadily for four years. I went downhill and over the cliff
big time," he said. "I thought it was all cool, you know, I thought I was
having a good time. If I'd stayed on the road I was on, I'd be dead right
now ... there's not a doubt in my mind.

"The meth was a dead-end road, an emotional roller coaster that once you
get on, it's hell getting off. It doesn't stop. It just keeps on going with
you," he said.

Instead of continuing his deadly downward spiral, the Parkersburg man, who
will be referred to as John Doe, now is trying to get his life back on
track. The end of April will mark his second month of being "clean," he said.

"I am responsible for my actions. I am to blame for my addiction. Addiction
is a disease. I am the one who has to do the work. I have to do this every
day," he said.

After spending nearly a year in jail and being released on home
confinement, he is able to once again be the kind of father he wants to be,
has a job and is attending emergency medical technician training. He
regularly attends Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous support
groups and says he is determined to permanently kick the meth habit.

"I know what this has done to me and what it has done to my parents. They
could see me going downhill long before I'd even admit to it, long before I
even realized I had a problem. If I can help just one person stay away from
it, quit it or not even attempt it, then I feel like I'm doing somebody
some justice," he said.

Doe said he started drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana in junior high
school.

"As they say, you get with the wrong crowd; peer pressure influenced me. I
was trying to hang out with the cool crowd. It was a partying thing.
Everyone else was doing it," he said.

In his mid-20s, he began snorting cocaine. Then a so-called friend
introduced him to methamphetamine.

"I became addicted the first time I did it," he said. Doe snorted the drug
at first, smoked it and ultimately started stuffing the meth in empty
capsules and swallowing them "to get that time-released blast."

Doe described meth as ranging in color from pink to peanut butter.

"Some of what I was using was coming from out west. Some of it looked like
charred glass; that was the kind that really put me out in left field. Some
of the other stuff was made locally. I wouldn't listen to anyone about it.
I didn't think I had a problem. I was in complete denial the whole time. I
thought I could always quit," he said.

The drug caused him to go for long periods without sleep.

"I went from staying up for one to two days at a time to staying up to
close to three weeks at a time with no sleep at all. Then I would suddenly
collapse while I was just sitting in a chair, then wake up on the floor
with rug burns on my face. I had no idea of how much time passed," he said.

Meth took away his appetite, so he began dropping pounds.

"I became so dehydrated I was actually urinating blood," he said. At one
point the insides of his mouth became so swollen he went to the emergency room.

The drug heightens sexual desires while also affecting judgment - a
dangerous combination, putting users at increased risk for sexually
transmitted diseases because of indiscriminate, unprotected sex.

Doe lost his job, alienated family members and real friends who tried to
help, surrounding himself almost exclusively with others addicted to meth.

The drug often causes abusers to become suddenly violent, constantly irritable.

Doe said the meth also caused him to feel as though he needed to pick at
his skin.

"I had marks all over me where I'd picked at myself. Sometimes I took
tweezers and started picking. I looked like I had bug bites all over me,"
he said.

He began experiencing hallucinations.

"One day some friends were over, and I thought I saw someone come down the
stairs like they were going to attack me. I just started swinging, even
though there was no one there. Everyone freaked out and left," he said.

He felt sick, couldn't keep solid foods down.

"I got to the point where all I could eat was fruit cocktail or mandarin
oranges because it was wet and I could get it down," he said.

His downward spiral hit rock bottom when, during a meth-induced haze, he
became violent with his girlfriend. He was charged with several felony
offenses.

After a plea bargain, he ended up in the regional jail, crawling around the
jail floor and throwing up from withdrawal.

The loss of his freedom finally forced Doe to face his addiction and get
clean, he said, admitting the trip to jail probably saved his life.

"I hid most of my drug use from my girlfriend," he said. "She tried to talk
to me. Ultimately she told me she didn't want to watch me self-destruct. I
have to live every day with what I did to her, and I hate it. She didn't
deserve what happened. If I could take it all back, I would. I didn't even
realize what had happened until the next day. It was a nightmare, and I
would never have done what I'd done if it wasn't for the drugs.

"I have to wake up every day and get through it clean and sober. I have to
think about what I did that night," he said.

Doe said he's dedicated all his energies to getting his life back on track
and keeping it there.

"I've been given a second chance, and I'm taking it," he said.