YOU'VE GOT TO WONDER WHAT THE FEDS ARE SMOKING

As courtroom dramas go, this was hardly a Perry Mason moment. A
federal judge in Los Angeles gazed at Judy Osburn, a woman found
guilty of growing marijuana for a West Hollywood cannabis club. "You
are a principled person," U.S. District Judge A. Howard Matz told her.
"I don't consider you to be a threat or menace to society." He then
gave Osburn a sentence of one year's probation.

Over 2,000 miles away in Akron, Ohio, a local judge tickled the wrist
of a Catholic priest found to be raising 35 marijuana plants inside
his rectory. The Rev. Richard Arko received two years of probation and
community service.

And that's about all the passion our courts can summon for the crime
of growing pot. The public seems equally apathetic. Nine states have
passed laws allowing the use of marijuana with a doctor's approval.
(Marijuana eases pain and the nausea caused by chemotherapy.)

In Nevada, meanwhile, voters are sure to consider a ballot initiative
this November aimed at legalizing the possession of an ounce or less
of marijuana - for any use, no questions asked. Observers predict a
close vote.

The only person who still gets excited over marijuana these days seems
to be U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft. He's clearly solved the
terrorism problem, so he has the spare time and resources to go after
patients and priests who grow pot - and regular guys who grow pot in
their backyards, like Travis Paulson of Lebanon, Ore.

Agents from the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration last fall
descended on Paulson and confiscated 104 marijuana plants - despite
his Oregon-issued license to grow pot for medical use. The agents
weren't really going after medical marijuana, a spokesman at the White
House Office of National Drug Control Policy explains. They were going
after "the marijuana threat." OH-kay.

Elsewhere in marijuana news, the U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to hear
a case involving a police dog's role in an Illinois pot arrest. It
seems police in LaSalle County had stopped Roy Caballes for speeding.
As the trooper and driver conferred, the pooch got real agitated over
what his nose knew was in the trunk - $250,000 worth of pot. Caballes
is now spending 12 years in jail for drug trafficking.

The Supreme Court is interested in whether the canine sniff
constituted an unreasonable search. But taxpayers should be more
intrigued by the large sums such cases cost them in trooper time,
court facilities and long-term lodging for Caballes and his ilk.
Wouldn't that dog's fine sniffer be better deployed looking for explosives?

All in all, the war on marijuana spends about $12 billion a year for
eradication, law enforcement and jailing offenders, according to
estimates from NORML, a group seeking to legalize marijuana. That's
just on the federal side. State and local police make about 750,000
marijuana arrests a year. And forcing marijuana sales underground has
created a nice fat market for narco-terrorists and ordinary criminals.

But wouldn't easing the ban on marijuana create a nation of potheads?
There's scant evidence of that, according to research from the
Netherlands, where marijuana is openly sold in coffee houses. A recent
University of Amsterdam study came up with this interesting factoid:
Only 2.5 percent of Dutch people over the age of 12 are regular users
of marijuana, compared with 5 percent in the United States.

Finally, a few nice words for states' rights. Every state is allowed
to monitor and tax the sale of alcoholic beverages. The same should
apply to marijuana, argues the Marijuana Policy Project. This group
wants pot regulated like alcohol - which means it would not be plopped
on the candy counter next to the Snickers bars. If the people in
Washington state want marijuana legalized and the people in
Mississippi don't, then fine. Let each state plot its own course.

The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco recently ruled that
use of medical marijuana is no business of the federal government if
the pot didn't cross state lines and was not sold. But the feds seem
determined to keep their snouts in, out of a distorted sense of
morality and perhaps more potent love of money - $12 billion in
taxpayer dough is a big pot of pork.