DOPES ON DOPE

Holy Hooka Head!

Man's proclivity for self-deception is a terribly frightening thing
eh? Here I am watching the ol' television a week or so back and on
comes this clearly wasted young city gal in an interview.

She's part of the marijuana movement's attempt at a million-man
marijuana march that weekend. Anyhow, this gal starts telling us how
pot is so mind-expanding and benevolent to the point of making its
users better people as she had become since she started using it, she
claims.

Not quite claiming altruism or anything of the sort mind you, but the
suggestion was there that its use was a most "progressive" thing and
the like. Now we have heard these claims before I realize, and there's
not too many objective ways we could measure this supposed herbal boon
to humanity; but the hilarity of this gal claiming pot's divinity of
sorts clashed ignominiously with what we were witnessing as two of her
fellow dope devotees were seen just behind her coughing up lungs and
kidneys as they gagged on a big nefarious-looking doobie!

Hoot man, a lot of us smoked dope in our teen years and grew out of
it, others will keep on toking till the cows come home. So tell us
that you like pot if you will, tell us you think you're brighter than
us when you light up - without doubt, an Einstein if you say so - but
don't give us the poop that smoking that crap is something healthy and
something for young people to emulate...please!

Smoke is quite simply microscopic unburnt particulate matter, my
hash-headed friends. It is every bit as unhealthy as smoking
cigarettes and takes a serious toll on lung tissues and the throat
among other things.

The human body wasn't designed for such any more than it was designed
for half-hour underwater excursions sans scuba gear!

So, if you must, join the pot party, smoke your brains and lungs out
as you are doing daily, but for mercy's sake do some research on what
you are talking about because as you model and tell young people that
such stuff is good for them without knowing what the hell you are
talking about, you are doing the very same thing that the tobacco
companies are doing to them.

And that is without doubt heinous, though you in your fog might never
come to perceive it.

Lawns, I've been watching the slowly advancing march of the lawn
police for a few years now.

Yes, you know, the guys and gals that want you to use scissors and
salt among other things on your dandelions and like weeds instead of
round-up and those other deadly products that for many years have
comprised the chemical arsenal which those of us with the more
conservative persuasions feel comfortable using on our lawns and
flower beds.

Yes, it seems a few cities are outlawing the use of the chemical stuff
and I fear the arrival of such. It's not that I use a whole lot of
this junk but hey, I can't seem to find the time to be digging six
trillion holes in my lawn to try and eliminate those damn dandelions
that propagate faster than vermin on Viagra.

If I had that kind of time I would have signed on to work at Butchart
Gardens or something.

So this is the admission that will come as no surprise given my
well-known non-progressive pedigree. Yes, I am such a dinosaur that I
quite frankly don't only want the weed killers I buy to totally
annihilate any shred of dandelions and other evil weeds ,I want them
to make those darn things vanish like a Hamas suicide bomber.

Furthermore, I even want them to leave little B52-like bomb craters
where those dastardly dandelions once were! So what if the neighbour's
cat grows a fifth leg.

But please, don't tell any of those greenie folk about this admission.
I don't want them coming for me soon after the seemingly inevitable
Green Revolution.

Surely I'm doomed with my track record. What with my employment record
being a logger, then a pulp mill worker and now a farm fish worker.

With those folk I'm probably already on the solitary confinement list
if not their capital punishment docket.

Yup, it's getting harder and harder to be a plain and admittedly
simple Homer Simpson type - doh!