RECOVERING METH ADDICTS TELL HOW LIVES HAVE CHANGED

This is the third of three installments from Cathy and Gary, a married
couple from Boone who are recovering meth addicts. Today, they tell how
their lives have changed since their arrest. Cathy is 48 and Gary is 44.
Together they are raising two girls, ages 16 and 18. They said their
employers requested their last names not be published.

Besides being arrested, what made you quit meth?

Cathy: I was getting sick of my life. It was nothing but a vicious cycle. We
had nothing to show for it.

Do you fear using meth again?

Cathy: If there was a line laid out for me today I would be in trouble. I
don't associate with it or try to put myself in that position to do it
again. I know I am truly addicted to it. It is a vicious cycle.

Did you ever tell your kids you were using meth?

Cathy: We told them right before we got busted. I was tired of lying to them
and hiding it from them. And they are not dumb. They learn a lot more in
school than you realize.

What was getting treatment like?

Gary: I had the benefit of having treatment while I was locked up. It is not
this 21-day thing. It is six months long. You eat, sleep and you live this
treatment. Every day you get up and go through it again. You have guys
sitting there and talking about it all the time. They make you look at
yourself and ask questions. Do you realize what you have done while you were
doing this? Most people don't think of other people, they only think of
themselves.

Prison is not the place they want to be sending these people anyway. They
just go in there and learn how to be better cooks. That is the sad fact
about it. They need to send these people to some sort of treatment. It takes
that long to dry out and get your head clear.

How can someone quit meth?

Cathy: The biggest thing on this if someone wants to really quit they have
to change their playground, their playmates and they have to believe in
something. They have to believe in a higher power or something. They cannot
go back around it, any of their old places. I have to move on with my life
and look ahead.

Gary: I don't think very many are as fortunate as us. We have had each
other, and that is what everybody really needs who is in that lifestyle and
tried to get out. They have to find somebody or something to give them what
we've got, the support. You can't do it on your own.

Do you have any regrets?

Cathy: I can't look back and regret what I have done. I could and do regret
a lot. I look at people my age. They have so much. Nice houses, nice cars,
nice lives. Hopefully they are happy. And all I have to show is that I have
to work my rear off to get where they are. I still thank God I am not using
that drug anymore and I have a chance and I am alive.

What is your life like now?

Cathy: My life is good now. I have an excellent job. I love going to work.
My relationship with my mother is awesome. My dad was my best friend until
he died at the age of 58 due to alcoholism. When I was doing drugs, I didn't
have a relationship at all with my mother. Most of the time I'd walk out and
my famous last words were 'f-- you.' And my mother hates that word. I
couldn't disrespect her more, and I didn't care. I would do anything to piss
her off. I went through life always trying to prove my mother wrong, and I
never did. Now I talk to my mom every day. I spend every Sunday afternoon
with her. I missed so much with my family because of doing that drug. I
didn't have time to stop doing my drugs. Now I have a relationship. I can't
believe all that I have missed. But, you just can't turn back the clock. You
have to move forward from that day and forget about it and live your life to
the fullest.

Gary: I have never heard anyone say it is any easy thing. Coming out having
to start all over, it is my perspective that our life turned 100 percent. We
are accumulating things that we had never even thought of. We just purchased
a new car. We are looking at putting money away, retirement. We are thinking
of doing thing with our kids, like vacations.

What do you cherish the most that you once didn't?

Gary: Everything. That is time you can't make up. Every minute, every second
we have together with family, with fiends, with the outdoors, little things,
every little thing.

Cathy: I just appreciate life. I cannot even begin to tell you, life is so
good now. I can feel again. You didn't know anything of life that is going
on. You were too numb and didn't care and it just didn't matter.

Gary: The outside world is gone. You don't realize it. It makes you turn
around and look at all the people you have had an effect on, and you don't
think of the impact. I am not talking about just my family. But there are
people that I came into contact at Wal-Mart or the gas station. I still had
an influence on them. Who am I harming here? You think you are just doing it
to yourself, but you're not. It is bringing problems to those people.