Q&A: CONCEPT OF REALITY GETS TWISTED, FORMER METH ADDICTS SAY

Why did you choose to use meth?

Cathy: I had a good life. My family loved me. I cannot say that is what it
is. I often think of this. I didn't care about fitting in.

Editor's note: Cathy and Gary, a married couple living in Boone, are former
methamphetamine addicts. In the next three editions of The Tribune they will
talk about their addiction, their arrests and their ongoing recovery. They
have asked that their last name not be used at the request of their
employers. Today, they talk about why and how they used meth. Cathy is 48
and Gary is 44. Together they are raising two girls, ages 16 and 18.

Why did you choose to use meth?

Cathy: I had a good life. My family loved me. I cannot say that is what it
is. I often think of this. I didn't care about fitting in. I just wanted to
be in my own fantasy world. I thought it made me more like an actress,
people that have this neat life. And then again, I am not sure why.

Gary: Everything they say about it is pretty much true. In my case, the
first time I ever tried it I was hooked. It was that fast, that
instantaneous. I was hooked. And then I probably did it for 10 to 12 years.

How much meth were you using?

Cathy: We were to the point we were doing more than $700 worth of dope a
day.

Did you sell or make the drug or both?

Gary: We weren't in it for the money, that's how bad it was. I was just in
it for the drug. We had to have it.

Cathy: A lot of people are in it to make money, but we didn't care about
that. I was working. We didn't care. We had enough money to support us
everywhere else. We just didn't have enough money to support our habit. So
we made it.

What did meth do to you?

Cathy: The rush is so much different. And you are just always chasing that
high - to find that ultimate high. I don't think it is as physically
addicting as it is mentally addicting. I think it is all in your head that
you think you have to have it.

Gary: You worry about yourself and where you are going to get your drugs.
The concept of reality is twisted. They lose track of everything that is
behind or around them. They are in their own little world. It is just all
meth related.

Cathy: When you're high on meth I didn't think anybody could tell it and I
was only kidding myself. Anybody that knows anything about it can tell
immediately. And my kids knew. It seems like I could go a lot longer before
it brought me down. I could function at my job. I could function in life. It
seems like my family suffered the most.

What did you get out of the drug?

Gary: Using and knowing that you are making the stuff and breaking the law,
it is a rush. Making the stuff is a rush itself; any cook will tell you
that. Making the stuff is its own high. And you don't think of the
consequences. You talk about it and you think about it. You say all kinds of
crazy and stupid things to yourself.

How do you feel now?

Cathy: All I can say is it feels good now. I don't have to look back over my
shoulder to see if there is a cop coming after me. If a cop comes to my door
I can answer without having to flush something or worry what he is coming to
bust me for.