EUPHORIC RECALL CAN BE DIFFICULT DURING HOLIDAYS

Holidays like Memorial Day can be a precarious time for a recovering drug
addict.

The disease of addiction is a cunning, baffling thing. It tries to convince
us we don't have a disease. And one way it does that is through what's
known as euphoric recall.

Euphoric recall is when a recovering addict gets lost in the remembrance of
past addictive behavior, recalling that behavior as ecstatic rather than
insane. In euphoric recall, we fail to remember the massively negative
consequences of our behavior, which have brought us to recovery.

Personally, I feel like the human mind is hard-wired to forget the pain
associated with traumatic experiences. At the same time, pleasurable
memories and emotions are much easier to recall. For example, I remember my
first car wreck ... the first time I needed stitches ... the first time
someone close to me died ... but I don't really remember what it felt like.
I simply remember it as an event.

But when it comes to pleasant memories, I remember the good feelings, the
warmth and ecstacy and everything else associated with getting my first
paycheck, or kissing a girl, or watching the sun come up over the ocean for
the first time.

Holidays like Memorial Day can trigger that euphoric recall for some
addicts, especially those in early recovery. When a holiday comes around
where, in the past, we've always celebrated with drunken, drugged-out
revelry, we can feel a little melancholy. It can leave us feeling
depressed, like our lives are boring or we're missing the fun we used to have.

We remember the good times -- the weekends at the lake, drinking beer and
grilling out, or getting stoned at a great concert at dusk. What we
conveniently forget is that because we're addicts, we're remembering those
times through a misleading filter.

We conveniently forget about getting so drunk that we knocked over the
grill, ruined everyone's dinner, puked on our feet and fell into the lake.
We forget how security had to escort us out of the concert, kicking and
screaming, or how we blacked out halfway through the show and can't
remember a single song that was performed.

Today, I recognize euphoric recall as a danger sign. That's why recovery
teaches me to "play the tape all the way through" -- in other words, don't
just focus on the good times; carry that memory through to the end, where I
usually ended up broke, desperate, miserable and wanting to die.

Because the "good times" associated with drugs are gone. I can never do one
of anything, so if I'm tempted to have a beer over this holiday or any
other, all I have to do is remember how out of control my life gets after I
pick up the first one.

Today, I don't have to get drunk or high to have a good time. I don't need
chemicals to alter my mood. I don't want to feel different today just to
enjoy myself -- because recovery has shown me how to be comfortable exactly
as I am, wherever I am, no matter the day of the year. And for that, I'm
grateful.