WE CAN NOT DENY DRUG USE ANY LONGER

Having lost my 20-year-old son Matthew to a drug related death eight
and a half years ago, I feel compelled to respond to the denial issue
surrounding the drug and alcohol problem in Sooke (Sooke News Mirror,
June 9).

Staff Sgt. Jennie Latham is quite right in saying "When do we stop
denying it's happening." Although I have told Matthew's story from
time to time since his death, I was in denial for a long time before
it. I did not want to admit that my son had a problem with drugs. How
could he have a problem when there were no drugs, very little alcohol
use, and no abuse in our family home?

It was hard to see the difference between teenage "acting out," (which
is considered normal), and unusual behavior caused by the use of
drugs. I considered myself a responsible adult with good parenting
skills and as all four of my children participated in school
activities and community sports, to which I was also involved, I
believed that getting involved in my children's lives would keep them
away from drugs.

Our family's "dirty little secret" was not a topic of conversation
among our friends for fear we would be judged as "bad parents," for
fear of being ostracized and for fear that talking about our problems
openly would cause embarrassment to our children.Even though we sought
counselling from various resources for our family, particularly for
Matthew, over the years, still part of me believed it was just a phase
he was going through, and he would grow out of it as most teens do.

We teach our children right from wrong, how to make good choices and
that every choice, good or bad, has a consequence. We give them wings
to fly and send them out into the world fully equipped with good
decision making skills and back up plans in case of emergencies. Yet,
once they leave the safe boundaries of their home environment parents
have very little control over what they choose to do with their time.

Peer pressure can start what seems like an experimental phase into a
full-blown addiction within no time at all. My son started out
experimenting with alcohol and marijuana as if it was a "rite of
passage," then turned to cocaine and LSD.It was during a trip on the
mind-altering drug LSD that Matthew took his life. He paid the
ultimate consequence for his bad choice, as did Justin, Trevor and the
young lady.

My youngest son is now battling a cocaine addiction and facing a jail
sentence because of an alcohol-related incident.He started drinking
when his brother died, presumably to numb the pain he was going through.

I am not in denial anymore. My son's drug use has had devastating
effects on my family; we have been in a living hell the last few
years. I have seen firsthand the awful effects left behind after the
cocaine binge is over. I have received threatening phone calls from
drug dealers trying to collect a debt, and I have experienced abusive
behaviour at my front door. The latter is ultimately why my family
moved from Sooke this year after 17 years in the community. Yet, I am
still as loving and supportive to my son as any mother can be in his
road to recovery because while he is alive there is still hope that he
will turn his life around.

History seems to be repeating itself in my family and I do not know
what I could have done to prevent it. Our youth will say, "There isn't
anything to do in Sooke," which is somewhat true, there are not enough
drug and alcohol free events for teenagers anywhere, not just in
Sooke, to participate in.I know the Sooke RCMP are doing everything
they can to eradicate the problem, but there is not one solid answer
to resolve this crisis. The Sooke community has been in denial, there
is a serious drug and alcohol problem and now is the time for everyone
to get involved, to work together, to make a change.

To all you drug dealers out there, you know who you are, I know who
you are, shame on you for turning your addiction into a profitable
business where young people are dying.You bring shame to your family,
yet your mother still loves you.If you have any conscience at all, the
blood on your hands will be the reason you stop what you are doing and
get the help you need to become drug-free before anyone else dies.As
long as you live, there is hope that you will change your life for the
better. Your mother is clinging to that hope and so am I.

I had hoped that Matthew had not died in vain, that his death had
affected the life of someone enough to stop him or her from using
drugs but today I am not so sure. Three families are now experiencing
the loss of a loved one, a loss so great the pain cuts through to your
very core. Regardless of the life these young people chose for
themselves, they were someone, a son, a daughter, a brother, a sister,
a niece, a nephew, a grandson, a granddaughter, and a friend to so
many, as evidenced at their memorials.

Their families had hope while they were alive to turn their lives
around, now they are dead and the hope is gone.Their family's
hearts are filled with sorrow.

My heart goes out to them. I share their pain. Please let them grieve
their loss in peace without gossip and judgment, they are suffering
enough as it is.

Melanie Cunningam