ONE IS NEVER ENOUGH

There's a watchword in the rooms of recovery, a sort of mental checklist to
ensure that we, as recovering addicts, don't let life overwhelm us.

That's not to say we're fragile people; on the contrary, there hasn't been a
hard time invented that most recovering addicts I know can't handle, as long
as they put their recovery first and realize they don't have to handle it
alone.

But we know our patterns of behavior. We know that, without diligence, we're
prone to do what we've always done in the past to cope with stress and other
worrisome emotions -- get high.

Think about it. A large number of ``earth people,'' as we like to refer to
those who don't have a problem with drugs and alcohol, turn to booze to
unwind after a stressful day at work or at home. That's not to say they do
it every night, like we would, or that they get falling-down,
puking-in-the-gutter drunk, like we have. It just means that they crack open
a cold beer or knock back a shot at their favorite watering hole.

It's a release -- a way to take away the tension for a little bit and relax.

Those of us with the disease of addiction have something broken in our
brains. Once we get started drinking (or firing up a joint, as others do),
we can't stop. We don't want to stop; we don't know how to stop. We keep
going, until our using snowballs into full-blown active addiction once more.

That's one reason we maintain a vigilant watch over our recovery. We can't
allow ourselves into thinking we can ``handle just one.'' We can't --
period, end of story. And no matter how much our disease whispers to us that
we can, we know the end result of going back to active addiction -- jails,
institutions, degradation, destitution and death.

So we use little phrases and cliches and watchwords. One of those is
``H.A.L.T.'' -- an acronym for Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired.

I heard it the first time I went through treatment. In essence, it means
that we have to watch out for those four triggers -- hunger, anger,
boredom/loneliness and exhaustion, because that's when we're at our weakest.

Sometimes, feeling one or more of those emotions can't be helped. Once we
get our lives back on track, we're often forced to face a world that doesn't
always understand the fact we're dealing with addiction, and doesn't want to
do us any special favors for being in recovery. (And that's the thing -- we
don't want pity, or sympathy, or a hand-out.) Long days at work, an angry
boss, traffic, whining kids ... all of those things can push us into one or
more of those emotions.

But when we're feeling all four, it's like having a cars RPM gauge in the
red zone. We're inching dangerously close to a meltdown. That doesn't mean
that every time we feel overwhelmed by such emotions that we're going to go
out and get high -- it just means we have to monitor our feelings, and do
what needs to be done to alleviate those emotions.

Most of the time, that means getting to a meeting and sharing where we're at
with our peers in recovery. It can mean calling or spending time with our
sponsor. Or it can mean taking advantage of the fact we have our lives back
today and doing something for ourselves -- like taking a vacation.

As you read this, I should be somewhere in Gulf Shores, Ala., enjoying a
much-needed respite from the hectic pace I maintain most of the time. I
might take in a meeting here or there, or I might just meditate and soak up
the sun.

Either way, I'm taking a time out. I need one, as do we all. As always, I'm
humbled and grateful for the outpouring of support I receive in regards to
this column. I hope you'll excuse my absence next Monday, and I'll be back
in two weeks.