RUN RICKY RUN

In the autumn of 1995, the 49ers fullback, William Floyd, had a knee
destroyed by tacklers. Management had been overworking him
mercilessly. On the play before his injury Floyd had carried four men
for about two yards. The TV replay of his leg above the knee going one
way and his leg below the knee going the other ended what was left of
my mild football addiction.

So it was only peripherally that I followed the career of a running
back named Ricky Williams, who in '95 was a freshman at the University
of Texas. He had speed, power, and dreadlocks (before they were
fashionable). He broke state records held by Doak Walker and Earl
Campbell. The New Orleans Saints drafted him in 1999; Mike Ditka gave
up eight players to get him.

Williams injured a shoulder in his second NFL season and missed six
games, but still gained 1000 yards. As he was recovering, he was
induced by Glaxo SmithKline to be the celebrity patient in a campaign
to sell Paxil to the 12 million Americans who allegedly suffer from
"Social Anxiety Disorder." Glaxo had to sell the concept that shyness
is actually a medical condition - "a chemical imbalance in the brain"
- that can be corrected by a pill. Williams gave interviews in which
he thankfully quoted a therapist advising him that his reluctance to
be accosted by strangers at airports could be overcome by medication.

Williams was traded to the Miami Dolphins in 2002. That season he led
the league in yards gained rushing (1853) and number of carries (383).
In 2003 his yardage dropped slightly but again he had the most carries
(393).

Williams won't be playing in 2004. In late July he made two related
announcements: that he was retiring from football, and that he found
marijuana to be "10 times more helpful than Paxil" as a confidence
builder. (Glaxo has purged him from the Paxil website.)

Retiring isn't an easy step. Williams's love for football is expressed
in the pages of a journal he's been posting sporadically at
runrickyrun.com. He has a clear, colloquial writing style - straight
ahead, like his running style. If we're lucky, he'll soon explain his
decision to leave the game, and keep us informed of his
whereabouts.

Williams was facing a four-game suspension after testing positive for
marijuana on two occasions, and he knew he had tested positive a third
time. "I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test. I failed a
drug test because I was ready to quit football," Williams told a
reporter he trusts, Dan Le Batard of the Miami Herald, on July 28.

"Williams said there were 'a hundred reasons' for his retirement and
that his desire to continue smoking marijuana without inhibition was
merely one of them.

"He said he was not addicted to the drug, but merely that he didn't
believe in government and NFL laws banning it. He said he had already
decided to quit football even before testing positive a second time
for marijuana use last season and incurring a $650,000 fine. He
appealed that fine, flying to New York to argue his case before an
arbiter with his attorney, but received word last week that his appeal
had been denied.

"While the appeal was pending, Williams said he continued smoking
marijuana while on tour with rocker Lenny Kravitz in Europe and failed
a third test upon his return. He said he had been using a masking
agent to cleanse his system while being randomly tested for two
seasons, but said he didn't even bother before the last such test
after returning from Europe."

"Williams failed his first drug test soon after arriving in Miami in
2002. He spent much of his two seasons with the Dolphins in the
league's drug program, seeing a therapist weekly and subjected to
eight to 10 random urine tests a month at his home.

"Williams said he continued smoking throughout his time as Dolphins,
stopping only for a month here and there, but passed random tests by
drinking 32 ounces of a masking agent called Extra Clean and chasing
it quickly with 32 ounces of water...

"Williams, who suffers from social-anxiety disorder and was a
spokesperson for the anti-depressant Paxil, said marijuana helped him
once he had to stop using Paxil because it didn't agree with his diet.

"'Marijuana is 10 times better for me than Paxil,' he
said.

"Williams said he doesn't see anything wrong with marijuana because it
is 'just a plant' and his hero, Bob Marley, admitted to smoking it
daily. Williams has Marley tattoos all over his body, named his first
child Marley and is friends with Marley's children.

The Associated Press reports that the Dolphins "will attempt to recoup
about $4.7 million in bonus money that Williams has collected due to
reaching rushing incentives in his new contract...Miami still believes
there is a chance that Williams will reconsider and decide to play
football, once he realizes he will have a financial fight on his hands
and once real contact begins."

Williams's agent, Leigh Steinberg, who also thinks his client might
change his mind eventually, made some sensible comments on his behalf.
The Dolphins had been using Williams as a "battering ram," Steinberg
said. "In so many of his carries he was running straight into the
line. It took a heavy physical toll. Maybe it took an emotional
toll... Running a football into the waiting arms of 300-pound
defensive tackles whose goal is to fling one to the turf time after
time requires an extraordinary degree of passion, and commitment, and
he found it lacking."

Although sports reporters (and fans whining on the radio talk shows)
assert that Williams is walking away from the game unhurt, that is not
quite true. Here is his journal excerpt from September 11, 2002: "My
shoulder was extremely sore after this week's game, and it's always
going to be. The trainers told me that it's basically going to flare
up every time I get hit on it directly because I've got so much junk
in my shoulders from the wear and tear of football. I've gotten what
seems like hundreds of X-rays, and it's amazing to see how much stuff
is in my joints. I've separated both my shoulders before, and I'm
going to keep getting hit there because of how hard I run. It's kind
of unavoidable. I can get my shoulder scoped after the season, but I'm
not doing anything right now except working really hard to strengthen
and protect it. I can't let anything take me off the field. It's too
important for me to be in there for me and for the team. I'm going to
have to start doing a lot more shoulder work. It feels fine right now
because of all the treatment I've gotten on it, but feeling fine is
usually temporary in football. I played all last year with it
banged-up pretty good, so it's not that big a deal. I'll treat it and
take care of it, but you better learn to play with pain in this game.

You always play a little hurt. The difference between good players and
better players is usually who plays the best when hurtin. It's amazing
to me to think about the numbers I could have put up by now if I
hadn't chosen to play with so many injuries. I've always had big
numbers when I've been healthy, but that's part of playing in the NFL.

You rarely feel 100 percent, so most people are trying to do whatever
they do when they don't feel 100 percent (especially late in the
season). You know how it is when you are young? You always feel
bullet-proof, invincible, and can play forever. But all I had to do
was look at some of my X-rays to know my days are numbered."

Here are some other excerpts from Williams's journal:

"The marketing lady from the NFL called and asked if I wanted to do it
[a VISA commercial in which the two other participants would be making
three times as much money]... Me, thinking I was in the top echelon of
players in the NFL... the marketing lady explained that I wasn't there
yet. We got into an argument about the top 3 selling jerseys in the
NFL I started to realize that I don't ever want to be there if that
means acting the way she wants me to, or anyone else wants me to. If I
get there the way I want, being myself, then I can be proud of it, but
I'm not going to be proud of it if I get there behaving the way
someone else thinks I should."

"Whenever I do a commercial, the director always tries to get me to
act tough and talk tough. If you haven't heard me talk, I have a soft
voice. I shouldn't have to act tough, I play football. I AM tough."

"Everyone wants to hear what I have to say. Even when I don't have
anything to say."

"Today I had another interview. I don't really understand how many
different people it takes to write the same story."

"Believe it or not, making a football team has a lot more to do with
who the coaches like than who the best player is."

"Friday night, Coach Wannstedt brought in a sports psychologist to
talk to us as a team. The psychologist told us that the biggest
mistake athletes make is that we think. Off the field, we don't think
as much as we should. On the field, we think too much. That make
sense? Anyway, the psychologist told us that we all have genies that
are 7 feet tall, run the 40 in 3.5 and vertical jump 60 inches. All we
have to do is tell our genie what to do and he'll do it. In other
words, say positive things and visualize them and let your genie (your
subconscious) play because it can do better things that we can do
within the limits of our own bodies. As he talked, I was wondering how
many of the guys on the team thought he was full of it... I guess it
wasn't me that who scored that touchdown, though, it must have been
the genie. Everyone knows my hands are small, so I tried to spike the
ball but I had a hard time getting a grip on it and it kind of
squirted to the side and I didn't get the bounce I was aiming for. I'm
pathetic. I guess my genie still has small hands."

"I was an education major in college. I wanted to be a teacher because
of the important role teachers played in my life. Growing up with a
single mom who is out trying to provide leaves a lot of opportunity
for trouble. Without the help, guidance and confidence I received from
my teachers [in the San Diego public schools], I would not be where I
am right now. While living in New Orleans, I became aware of the
disparity between public and private schooling. A lot of children who
can't afford a private education don't have a fair shake. I was under
the assumption that, as Americans, we were all supposed to have equal
access to an education. I guess I was wrong."

"It's kinda weird how people just give us stuff. Just last night some
guy came over and paid for my dinner for no reason. It wasn't cheap,
either. He just came over and asked if he could buy it. I wasn't going
to argue. I got the loaded Ranger Rover I was telling you about just
for agreeing to do two appearances. I get it for a year. And I got a
$20,000 check just for two hours of work on a EA sports
commercial..."

Williams describes meeting the great running back Jim Brown, whose
perspective he admires. "He told me the other day, 'You are no mystery
to me. I knew you from the time we met.' We talked a lot about
athletes using the voice that sports gives them. Jim is really down on
some athletes for not using theirs, and so am I. Jim says we are just
like slaves who don't use the voice because we're too interested in
making money for ourselves and taking care of ourselves chasing that
all mighty dollar. Instead of a better existence for everyone...

"I wish athletes today could have the same impact on social reform as
they did when he was playing. When the likes of Ali, Malcolm X and Jim
Brown all sat in the same room and discussed their views on America.
Nowadays, it seems all some of us are interested in is how much money
we can make. I love playing football, and I love making money, but I
am starting to realize that those aren't the only reasons God has
given me so much talent. Jim and I talked until about five in the
morning. We talked about everything from how the Browns lost yesterday
to prison riots. It was rewarding for me to be able to chat with one
of the only people I truly admire in this world."