UP IN SMOKE

In 1978, Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong-the later of whom recently
finished up a nine-month jail stay for selling a bong across state
lines-produced the gold standard of stoner movies, with the brilliant
Up In Smoke.

There is a line in the movie uttered by dip shit narco cop Sgt.
Stadenko (Stacey Keach) that goes something like: "The buying and
selling of dope is one of the last vestiges of free enterprise left in
this country."

Now, in 2004, two young Hamilton men will try to put Stadenko's edict
to the test. Well, sort of, and if they can.

Chris Goodwin and Ryan Clark plan to open the Up In Smoke Cannabis
Cafe at 227 King St. E, deep in the heart of the Hammer, with the
grand opening slated for August 21, Cannabis Day.

Up In Smoke aspires to be only the tenth retail proprietary dispenser
of marijuana and hashish in Canada, and will definitely test the local
law enforcement level of tolerance for the murky marijuana laws.

Goodwin, a political science student at McMaster, is the senior
partner in the venture, which will operate from a 2,000-square-foot
facility, with an initial investment in the five-figure range.

In an exclusive interview, Goodwin proclaimed his marijuana manifesto:
"Our real reason d'etre is to organize the cannabis culture into an
effective civil rights movement.

"We are a wrongly outlawed culture, viciously discriminated against
for 70 years and we are finally, effectively, organizing to regain our
rightful place in society as individuals and equals."

Pretty high-minded-pun intended-hyperbole from a guy who, after all,
is principaly interested in getting you high, yet it would appear that
Goodwin and Clark are taking the enterprise very practically, if not a
tad preachily.

"I talked to Mike Thompson, who is the head of the Hamilton Police
drug task force," said junior partner Clark, a Mohawk advertising
student. "(Thompson) talked about (Up In Smoke) operating on a
membership only basis, but also said that his mandate is crack houses
(not retail pot houses)."

And a July press release from the Ontario Consumers For Safe Access To
Recreational Cannabis claims that a recent Supreme Court decision
(Regina vs. Mann) has made recreational marijuana use "defacto legal"
in Canada.

So as Goodwin and Clark see it, they are therefore free to sell
cannabis cookies, hash brownies and muffins, as well as standard head
shop fare such as bongs, pipes and assorted toking
paraphernalia.

Up In Smoke (www.upinsmokecafe.ca) will also feature home-cooked vegan
meals and offer Internet access to its customers in what is described
as a cozy and friendly atmosphere.

I guess the best way to picture the cafe would be to recall the scene
in Cheech and Chong's Still Smokin' in which the two lovable pot heads
excitedly order their mary jane fare from a varied menu of buds seeds
and salads.

In fact, Goodwin and Clark are considering a "Still Smokin'" moniker
if and when they open a second location. If all this has some tokers
and pot abstainers et al thinking, "hey, (man) this is too good to be
true," you just may be right.

In the next few weeks, Up In Smoke will surely receive the requisite
hype, fear and loathing from the local luminaries, as well as a much
closer look by the Hammer cops and local Crown Attorney's office. As I
understand it, Goodwin and Clark received no hard and fast promises
from the police that they would not investigate and even possibly bust
them, similar to the bust of another local head shop proprietor
earlier this year.

If Up In Smoke were to receive governmental certification as a medical
marijuana membership cafe, then there would probably be precious
little the coppers could do about it.

However, if the thrust of the cafe is the retail offering of marijuana
products for sale to any and all comers, then I think Up In Smoke
could quickly become up, and well, out.

Just imagine the above-the-fold banner headline
screaming out from the Hamilton Spectator: "Pot to be
sold in store in downtown Hamilton."

The mayor and many other upstanding citizens would surely have their
shorts in a knot, and what happened next would be anyone's guess.
After all, this ain't BC, or even Toronto. And under the tough new
federal Proceeds of Crime law, if the cops lay charges of trafficking
against Up in Smoke, then all the assets of the perpetrators are
available for seizure by the feds. Ouch.

Even though the chances for such tough action by authorities is
probably small, Goodwin and Clark seem to be sensibly planning for any
eventuality.

They said that if they are raided, they have enough stock to re-open
with 48 hours, and have retained strong legal representation to deal
with any police action.

But even if Goodwin and Clark are bonging past the bone yard, they
sure are talking the talk. "The retail store is the first line of the
Cannabis Liberation Movement. Together, we will end cannabis
prohibition in Canada," stated Goodwin. That, or go up in smoke.