VIEWPOINT - THE BUSIEST ANSWER MAN

This has been a hectic week for the Answer Man. Lots of sports news in
the papers and on the old cable television. The dopes at ESPN were
screaming and drooling incessantly. Who knew dope smoking running
backs and poor hitting first basemen with big dumb mouths could choke
the news so deeply an entire political party's convention was splashed
onto the back pages.

So, as you can imagine, the Answer Man was inundated with questions
this week. Here's a sample.

Q: Do you think the Twins were wrong to trade first baseman Doug
Mientkiewicz? After all, the guy was a great defensive player and
really the heart and soul of the team. Have the Twins lost their
minds? They didn't even get a big league player for him! -- E.
Guardado, Seattle

A: E. Guardado, this is a great day for Twins baseball! The menace
that was Mientkiewicz is gone once and for all. The guy couldn't hit
and couldn't shut up. He whined in the papers about not feeling
respected. He publicly disagreed with manager Ron Gardenhire.

Essentially, Mientkiewicz suffered from the same disease that many
professional athletes do in that they all think they're a star, even
the ones that suck, like Mientkiewicz.

Besides, it was time to get Justin Morneau in the lineup everyday, and
the only place he can play is first base. While he'll never be the
defensive player Mientkiewicz was, he will be a drastically better
hitter. The Twins' run production has gone up significantly since
Morneau was inserted into the lineup.

Ultimately, getting rid of Mientkiewicz and replacing him with Morneau
could be the one thing that propels the Twins to their third straight
American League Central championship.

Q: Were you shocked when Dolphins running back Ricky Williams retired
after just five years in the NFL? Now it's coming out that he might
have retired simply to avoid a four game suspension that would have
been handed down thanks to a third positive drug test for marijuana.
- -- R. Smith, Columbus, Ohio

A: R. Smith, I say good for Williams. Professional football is a
stupid game that far too many people are obsessed with. Players aren't
treated like people, only money-making pieces of meat. Don't believe
me? Just remember that player contracts in the NFL are not guaranteed.
That means a player who gets hurt or simply has a dip in production
can be cut and not paid the remainder of his contract. So, everyone is
steamed that Williams bailed on his team and all that garbage. But
didn't Williams just ditch the Dolphins before they could ditch him?
Williams decided he had enough money and was still relatively injury
and pain free, so why not walk away? Not many NFL running backs walk
away from the game without lasting, sometimes crippling, injuries.

As for the pot, what do I care if Williams wants to smoke dope? It's
his life.

Q: It seems you've been watching quite a few movies lately. Can you
give us some more of your miniature reviews? -- R. Ebert, Chicago

A: Well, R. Ebert, yes I can. I saw "Anchorman" last week and thought
it was pretty funny stuff. Will Ferrell is one of the best comedic
actors around.

But the movie was sort of cliched and seemed to be a little too long.
But still, if you want some good laughs, it's worth it.

I also saw "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle," which was extremely
funny and a little more original than "Anchorman." It's the story of
two men who spend the entire movie searching out a White Castle
restaurant to eradicate the munchies. This is an R-rated movie, so
don't let the children go. But for all you grown ups, I recommend it.

* George Fairbanks is a staff writer for The Pilot-Independent. He can
be reached at george.fairbanks@walkermn.com.