DALEY HOLDS BREATH, EXHALES A NEW TAX IDEA

Chicago has a wonderful European feel, thanks to City Hall. And it
might soon have a European scent.

Those fancy bus shelters come from France. Those fancy flowerpots on
the streets remind tourists of cozy English cottage gardens, even on
Ashland Avenue.

There's expensive Italian granite covering the 911 Center, which broke
down a few weeks ago. And as for Germanic order, don't forget all the
severe wrought iron, warning passers-by to stay off the property, even
the parks.

Soon, Chicago might smell like Amsterdam, since Mayor Richard Daley
has offered his new revenue enhancement plan.

I call it the Crazed Pothead Tax.

Instead of wasting taxpayer dollars by prosecuting pot smokers whose
cases are thrown out of court anyway, he's wisely considering
ticketing those crazed potheads to get at their cash.

"Sometimes a fine is [better] than being thrown out of court," Daley
said this week. "Thrown out of court means nothing. Many times the
offenders don't even show up anyway."

He's right. The cases are a drain on the court system. His
administration must also pay overtime for the police who are witnesses
in these small cases. And tickets don't mean revenue for the courts.
They mean revenue for City Hall.

Which is the point of the Crazed Pothead Tax. After spending billions
on fancy wrought iron, flowerpots, Bears stadiums, City Hall hired
trucks for the Bridgeport boys, the indicted Duffs and more, something
strange has finally happened.

After taxing and taxing and spending and spending, City Hall has run
out of money. The mayor is more than $200 million in the hole this
year and desperate for cash.

"It's decriminalized now," he insisted. "They throw all the cases out.
It doesn't mean anything. You just show up to court. Another case goes
out. That's all it is. There's nothing there. They don't even show
up--the offenders. It doesn't mean anything."

The mayor isn't advocating pot smoking. And I'm not either, since it's
bad for you, illegal and people who've made mistakes in their lives
regret them and plan to lie their heads off anyway in the future if
asked about it.

The mayor's in a financial bind. So he's floating tax plans in the
media, from gas and property taxes to pothead taxes. And since stress
always rolls downhill, City Hall stress is descending on taxpayers.

If the people of Chicago start drinking to relieve the pressure of the
taxman, the results would be disastrous. There would be much agita,
arguments, fights and perhaps even mayhem. Add to this tension the
additional anxiety of Cubs fans with their team hoping to make the
playoffs.

But if Chicago becomes a city of potheads, think of the
advantages.

There will be few fights. Potheads don't fight. They sleep. So
thousands will munch on fudge brownie sundaes, fall asleep on the
buses and trains, and get slapped with additional costs, like the
dreaded $50 CTA sleeping ticket.

The pothead tax and the extra $50 CTA sleeping tickets could fill the
budget gap right there.

And in a mellower Chicago, who will consider other issues, like the
19-year-old sons of connected union bosses getting $49,000-a-year jobs
as building inspectors?

"It's not a bad idea," said Bryan Brickner, of Wicker Park, who also
happens to be the chairman of Illinois NORML, which stands for the
National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws.

"Cannabis arrests are at an all-time high in the city. There are only
so many judges, so many police officers. It costs millions of taxpayer
dollars to prosecute these small marijuana cases," Brickner said.

"By making it a fine, rather than jail, it's a win-win situation for
the mayor," he said. "They can reform the law, save police time and
say, 'Hey, look, we're generating revenue too.'"

So, if you have a lid or less, you'll just pay a fine?

"Excuse me? What did you say?" Brickner said. "Did you say, 'A
lid?'"

I did.

"Amazing. That's an old term. I think it used to mean an ounce. I've
heard it before, but it hasn't been used in years and years," Brickner
said.

Oh.

"I mean it's an ancient term," he said. "Probably from the
'70s."

Hmmm. Really?

"I remember I'd just started with NORML when you wrote that column
about not knowing what a bong was," he said.

Let's get back on topic right now, mister. If you win this victory,
what's the next step? Dens of crazed potheads plugging the City Hall
revenue gap by paying special tobacco taxes for their sticks of reefer?

"That's not what the mayor's talking about," he said. "This is just
changing how the police interact. Instead of jail and court, there
will be a fine for small amounts. We're not talking about opening
cafes and selling it across the counter. That's Amsterdam, not Chicago."