LAST COURT DATE WITH MARY JANE

Pot, weed, dope, mary jane, herb, grass, ganja, cannabis, hash, a
toke, a blunt, a fat j, a doobie, a roach, a joint, a bowl, a magic
brownie, a gateway drug, grandpa's eye medicine ... I could go on.
Whatever you call it, unless you're in Canada, have a prescription, or
have been shafted and sold a bag of oregano, it could mean arrest, a
day or more in court, and jail time, even if you're only caught with
enough weed to last you through a single episode of "Mad TV."

That, however, may change in the near future: today's Journal Times
ran an AP story (Nation/World, 3A) and a Debatable (front page) that
reports that Chicago's Mayor Daley would like to see fewer time - and
money-wasting court dates and paperwork regarding minor marijuana
possession charges in the Windy City. Instead, people in possession of
"personal-use" marijuana - that is, small amounts probably not
intended for sale - would be fined $250 to $1,000 rather than formally
prosecuted.

According to the AP story, 94 percent of last year's Chicago-area
cases involving possession of 2.5 grams of pot or less were ultimately
thrown out.

"Police officers are used to spending hours making arrests (for
marijuana possession)," Don Babwin reports for the AP, "writing
reports and waiting around in court, only to see the charges dropped
or a guilty plea that leads to nothing more than probation or
drug-education classes." In theory, enforcing fines would dramatically
free up police officers' time for more crucial endeavors, free up
court time for more legally salient cases, and free up offenders' time
so they can finally see if "The Wizard of Oz" and Pink Floyd's "Dark
Side of the Moon" really match up for the whole movie.

Personally, I think it's a great idea, and one that the rest of the
nation would be wise to adopt. Other than the immense waste of tax
dollars used to prosecute and imprison pot smokers, marijuana never
hurt anybody - certainly not to the extent that legal drugs have. It
has never ceased to amaze me that a product that is more addictive
than cocaine and has been proven to give you cancer - the cigarette,
which kills half of its consumers - is perfectly legal, while a drug
that does little more than enhance appetite, colors, stupidity, and
the inherent weirdness of random words ("matrix ... mayyyyy-tricks.
'May trick?' Whoa ...") is punishable, in Wisconsin at least, by up to
six months in the slammer and a thousand-dollar fine.

Negligible physiological ramifications aside, jail time for pot is
clearly an ineffective deterrent. The White House's drug fact sheet on
marijuana states, "According to the 2003 National Survey on Drug Use
and Health (NSDUH), approximately 96.6 million Americans ages 12 and
older reported trying marijuana at least once during their lifetimes,
representing 40.6% of the population ages 12 and older." Forty percent
of the American population over the age of 12 is rockin' the ganj,
threat of jail time notwithstanding. So much for the war on drugs.

Because no one can really prove that mary jane is more addictive than,
say, MSG, the prime argument for harsh punitive sentences for
marijuana use - despite the fact that, as demonstrated by the U.S.
government's own data, they don't work - is that pot is a gateway
drug. You know what? It sure can be. Just like smoking cigarettes or
snorting No-Doze or swigging vodka from your parents' liquor cabinet.
It all reminds me of something Bruce McCulloch said in a "Kids in the
Hall" sketch when his character was offered a joint: "My dad says that
dope is for dopes. But he only says it when he's, you know, drunk."

Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be and frequently am wrong.
Because this particular topic is a JT Debatable, I encourage you too
to voice your point of view: Should Wisconsin's marijuana laws be
reformed? Speak now or forever hold your pizza.