GOOD SUPERVISION PROVIDES IMPORTANT SUPPORT, CLEAR MESSAGES

When children are toddlers, parents have to keep a constant eye on
their active and inquisitive children to ensure their safety. Young
teens are also curious, striving for greater independence, plagued
with mood swings and unclear thinking, and wanting to test their
parents' rules and limits. As social beings many teens also want to
hang out with peers and, if they had their choice, they would do so
without their parents' presence and supervision. Yes, it might be more
fun, but it could also be dangerous.

The research is clear. The Indiana Prevention Resource Center
summarized findings from a dozen major studies. "One study on youths'
use of leisure time found that even a few hours per week of adult
supervised leisure time after school was associated with a reduction
in the use of illegal drugs. Youth who did not participate in any
supervised after-school activities were 49% more likely to use drugs
as those who participate in even four hours per week of adult
supervised activities." And "a study of nearly 4,000 students in
Southern California found that eighth graders who are unsupervised
after school are more likely to be associated with substance us, risk
taking, depressed mood, and lower academic grades. Family structure
and sociodemographic status did not have an impact on risk, but level
of parental engagement did."

Engaged parents remain involved in their middle and high school teens'
lives. They know who, what, where, and when in regards to their teen's
comings and goings. There are clear agreements that the teen will call
before plans are changed. Parents encourage involvement in school and
other extra-curricular activities, especially if parents are unable to
be home during the critical after-school hours. They make sure that a
parent or a responsible adult will be present if their child is going
to play at a friend's house or a social event is planned. Parents also
make it very clear about the rules at their own home and when friends
may come over.

The manner in which this supervision is provided is also important.
Teens do not like to feel that parents are breathing down their necks
or that they cannot make any choices without adult involvement. Teens
can become resentful, rebellious, or deceitful when parents are too
controlling, rigid, or harsh. Teens need to feel that the reasons for
communicating "what, where, when, and who" are to allow families to
stay connected and to support teens in making good choices. Family
members who care need to be able to find each other if an emergency
arises. Parents also need to convey it is important for them to know
that other parents will be home and committed to supervising before
their teen attends a social event, for parents know how easily things
can become dangerous or destructive if alcohol or drugs are present in
an unsupervised home.

The bottom line is that supervision must convey a parent's real love
and care, not a need for control. Spending time relaxing, eating,
talking, and having fun together are also important during the
adolescent years. Positive attention and interaction provides the glue
that holds the relationship together when the inevitable tensions
arise around monitoring your child's activities and supporting them in
making good choices.

Note: Moriah Armstrong is the Director of the Orcas Island Prevention
Partnership