HOPES OF ALASKA'S STONER POPULATION GO UP IN SMOKE

Election night, while watching the debacle that is the modern media,
reporting on just how insanely Conservative our state is, I was packing my
bags and readying myself for the moment that the results of the only State
Question that I was truly concerned with was announced to the world.

No, it wasn't the Gay Marriage Ban, or the Smoking Ban, or even the Tribal
Gaming Act.

You can rest assured it wasn't the Veteran's housing allowance either
(since that was going to pass by a landslide, as sure as sure can be).

As a matter of fact, the State Question I was most concerned about wasn't
even taking place in Oklahoma.

Instead, my attention was focused on Alaska, the land where men are real
men, women are real women, and everybody is real cold.

Alaska had a ballot measure up for grabs that I hadn't actually expected to
see any time in the next 20 years, or possibly even during my lifetime.

Alaska was asking its citizens whether or not they wanted to legalize
marijuana.

If this measure passed, and Bush, as the media seemed to be affirming,
actually won, then my plan was to move to Alaska until Bush's next term was
complete, because, face it, the only way I'm going to make it through the
next four years without three ulcers, an aneurism and a mindset that would
make Lewis Black look clam and well adjusted, is in a continually
unnatural, yet completely legal, mellow state-of-mind.

In short, I had almost resorted to lowering my standards by allowing myself
to get Bush's second term off to a heavily medicated start.

I jest, of course.

And let's face it; marijuana hasn't even killed half the people alcohol or
tobacco have killed, if anyone at all, and it even grows in the ground.

That's right, for all of you on the Christian right, marijuana, which is a
naturally occurring plant, was put here on this planet by God himself, at
least based off of your logic.

But think, for just one second, about how this could have turned Alaska
into the new growing financial epicenter of the United States.

Suddenly, people are moving to Alaska in droves. Imagine, if you will,
"Girls Gone Wild: Alaska," or MTV planning next year's Spring Break party
bash marathon to coincide with the end of the Iditarod.

Although, I will admit, an impromptu road-trip to Nome, Alaska is a heck of
a drive, and not one to undertake without careful planning, solid stocks of
food and supplies, and a deep pocket full of gas money, which ultimately
undermines the concept of such a road-trip being "impromptu".

My guess is that the first few states to de-criminalize marijuana, allow
the growth, distribution, and use of it, and of course, tax the hell out of
it, will become America's new boom states, and their economies will spike
sharply into the black.

Why, the Twinkie and Ho-Ho sales alone could revitalize entire ghost towns,
pulling our economy out of the downward spiral we've been helplessly
watching for so long.

In fact, why hasn't the "Hostess lobby" undertaken this mission yet?

Their profits would soar, and the growth of Sara Lee, General Mills and
others would suddenly create a stock market nirvana, putting formerly known
"Outperform" rated companies to shame.

Imagine, if you will, after the insanity of the Dot Com bubble, the new Pot
Bubble, only this time, the economy doesn't falter after everybody realizes
it was falsely over-inflated.

And, should I be wrong, and the economy doesn't pick up because of the
surge in munchie-consumption, then at the very least, nobody will be
worrying about it very much.

Kevin Sesock is an opinion columnist for The Daily O'Collegian.