MASSACHUSETTS MARIJUANA REVENUES A BUST

In these last few weeks before the Commonwealth releases its new audited
annual report (always late in election years) that well-worn copy of last
season's compilation gets a severe going-over for any tidbits that might
have earlier been missed. It is kind of like the scrutiny the bathroom copy
of Sports Illustrated or Newsweek goes through a day or two before the new
edition comes out - articles that couldn't catch any attention on Day 1 are
read with rapt awe by Day 6. (A perfect example would be finding yourself
reading this column on a Wednesday.)

So it was with some sense of satisfaction that I was able to discover the
Massachusetts Department of Revenue Annual Report of 2003 had at least one
more tale to tell.

Beyond the cheerful cover proclaiming "Tax Amnesty Days" (" Find us before
we find YOU! ") and buried amidst the glowing back-slapping congratulatory
accolades of implementing "advanced technology" to ensure full compliance
and collection of revenues from those sneaky, selfish taxpayers, was a
fairly concise breakdown of the source of tax revenues.

Imagine the picture of a hapless citizen, dressed in his Sunday best,
hanging by his ankles, with drawn lines from each of his dangling pockets
terminating in a bulletized breakdown of the contents captured after a
vigorous shaking...

Front Pocket (Right) - Income Tax Collections

Front Pocket (Left) - Meals Tax

Breast Pocket (Left) - Sales Tax

And so on....

Actually, our "Illustrated Citizen" would have to be a pretty snappy
dresser to demonstrate all of the different taxes our state collects. Gas,
cigarettes, booze, and Patriots tickets are only a start. Apple cider, life
insurance premiums, and sight-seeing tours all have their own special lines
in the volumes of our Commonwealth Tax Laws. Oh, and don't think you can go
down to the Lions or Kiwanis Club for a beer while you plot your next
charitable event - that calls for an extra .57 percent tax you wouldn't see
if you had held the meeting at the 99.

And just when you think they've thought of everything possible to tax, you
come across a line called "Marijuana Tax": $3.50 per gram. They even have a
stamp, which must be purchased from the "Commissioner," with "payment due
immediately by acquisition or possession in Massachusetts by Dealer."

I don't know what the "Massachusetts Marijuana Commissioner" makes, but I'm
sure he's a qualified fellow with an accurate set of scales and a keen eye
for consumer fraud.

I missed last summer's Jimmy Buffet concert, but I can just imagine the
boost it must have been for our state's economy. Forget the tax they
charged on the phone call you made to purchase the ticket, and the
"entertainment tax" they charged on the ticket itself. Don't fret the
gasoline tax you paid to fuel the car you originally paid a sales tax on,
then the yearly excise tax they take for the pleasure of watching it get
older each year. Never mind the two dollar "Convention Center Financing
Act" parking fee tax, or the 5 percent food tax on that "Cheeseburger in
Paradise" you bought before the show. Parrot-head hats or inflatable
sharks? Five percent sales tax, of course. No, all those revenues must have
paled in comparison to the windfall Massachusetts realized from the pot
commissioner's office that night...

How much you ask? Well, you won't find a figure in the annual report.

But the answer, my friend, was blowin' in the wind - and at $3.50 per gram,
the commish must have been smiling all the way to Margaritaville...