FAMILY TIME AT LAST

Woman Gets Trip Home - And Hope

ARPALER - With the home karaoke machine playing background, Gina
Alexander and her mother, Brenda Alexander, joined their voices in
song:

"Love can build a bridge,

"Between your heart and mine,

"Love can build a bridge

"Don't you think it's time

"Don't you think it's time."

The Alexanders hope that song will prove true for themselves.

After a month and a half at MONARCH treatment center, where she is
recovering from methamphetamine addiction, 29-year-old Gina Alexander
spent a day in the southeast Oklahoma hills around Arpaler, her
hometown. Her dad, Jerry Alexander, picked her up at the treatment
center early in the moring of Oct. 19 and drove her to his house for a
family reunion and his special stew.

The last time Gina rode in her father's car, Sept. 10 from Eddie
Warrior Correctional Center to MONARCH, she spent the whole time
apologizing for the pain she caused the family.

This time, Gina spent the ride joking with her dad and singing along
with a CD the family made to help raise money to pay of more than
$1,500 in fines Gina owed in Pittsburg and Coal counties.

Music always had held the family together, Gina Alexander
said.

"My brother, every morning he'd wake up and he'd sing opera," she
said.

As her father drove closer to his home, Gina grew giddier, clapping
her hands with anticipation.

The minute they pulled up to the house, Gina got out to hug her little
brother Joseph Alexander, 25, and her sister-in law. She swooped her
2-year-old niece, Elizabeth, into her arms and swung her about,
pecking her with kisses.

She'd have to wait until later that morning to see her own
17-month-old daughter, Charity Shine. The child is staying with Gina's
mother.

Meantime, Gina spent the morning going through old photos, helping her
dad cook the Sunday stew, tossing a football with Joseph and another
brother, Jessie, 28.

Joseph Alexander said his sister seems like a whole new person. He
recalled one of the first letters Gina wrote from prison, where she
was serving a term for violating probation.

"It wasn't selfish or anything," he said. "She was saying we got away
from God and that we needed to get back to him. I didn't even think it
was her writing because it was the most unselfish thing I'd ever read."

When Gina was on crank, "she was almost dead," Joseph said. "She was
real angry and if you tried to give her any counsel, she'd talk over
you."

Upon visiting with Gina that Sunday morning, the little brother said
he sees more hope.

"There's a little more there than there was," he said. "I think now
we're beginning to see more of her personality. When you're going into
prison, you're a robot. And in prison, she was being conformed and
bent into shape."

Jerry Alexander said he remembered a few times before the drugs when
his daughter was this cheery.

"Generally, when she was on the drugs, she sure didn't come around
here," he said.

Gina playfully ran her finger through dust and remarked "me and mom,
every day we used to have this place spic and span."

Jerry and Brenda Alexander separated a few years ago. They still get
along well enough for Brenda to come for family visits.

Gina could not restrain herself when her mother drove up to the
trailer. She pulled a glittered gift bag out of her dad's trunk. She
gathered her mother and daughter into her arms and the three embraced
for at least half a minute.

"You look better than you have in a long time," Brenda said as Gina
pecked Charity with nonstop kisses.

After settling down for stew, the family gathered in the main room to
sing accompanied by microphones, guitars, drum sets and karaoke
machines. Later in the day, the oldest brother, Jerry Alexander Jr.,
joins the singing.

Music holds this family together through tough times, Gina's dad and
brothers agreed.

Brenda and Gina Alexander sang "Love Can Build a Bridge," a song
written by Cher and made famous by another mother and daughter --
country music stars the Judds.

"This is just like Christmas," Brenda Alexander said.

"Now I'm wondering where the presents are," Gina joked.

That made Gina's brothers recall how ornery she used to
be.

"Gina always wanted more," the younger Jerry Alexander, 30, said
recalling when they used to play like they were members of the "Dukes
of Hazard" TV show. "When we were kids, my friend and I were Luke and
Bo Duke, Gina was Daisy and Josh was Cooter."

Gina laughed. "It's moments like these that make life worth
living."

A happy ending?

Not anywhere close

The very afternoon of her family reunion, Gina had planned to visit
her three older children, who live with their father. She prepared
gift baskets for each child, just as she had for Charity Shine.

But when she arrived at her husband's house to drop off her presents,
nobody was home, Gina said.

She said she had to leave the gift bags at a neighbor's house. She
fears she'll have a hard time getting custody of these children.

Gina also has a month and a half to go on her treatment at MONARCH.
Then comes the arduous work of preparing to go back into the real
world -- possibly going home to the family, digging up painful
memories and renewing rough relationships that went joyfully untouched
during the Sunday visit.

She has to prove that the happy times will stick, just like many women
undergoing treatment, said MONARCH clinical director Gaye Wheeler.

"The family members have supported them and they're getting tired,"
Wheeler said. "The addicts and alcoholics have disappointed them time
after time after time. They eventually have to prove they could walk
the walk as well as talk the talk."

Gina's addiction strained her family's patience, said her aunt, Leona
Plymate.

"Her mom and dad have been burnt too bad since she was a teen-ager and
they're leery," she said.

Plymate said Gina's mother is especially leery about helping out,
while her dad is beginning to show more support.

Still, the family did band together to put out the CD to help offset
Gina's fines, she said.

Gina's father also gives her money each week for cigarettes, telephone
calls and other incidental purchases, Plymate said.

"He gives her a calling card so she can call home. She uses that up
real fast," she said.

Not all families are as supportive as the Alexanders, Wheeler
said.

"Some families are hurt so many times they get sick of it," she said.
"Some women come from families who could care less about their
recovery. They don't want the recovery because they won't have anyone
to drink with."

Women at MONARCH take classes to prepare themselves for facing their
families.

"One class deals with family of origin issues," Wheeler said. "It
opens their eyes to see what part every family member plays."

Other classes focus on preventing relapse and reading from the Big
Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, a guide to help people recover from
alcoholism and addiction.

MONARCH also works to reunite women with their families.

Families get to visit the women each Sunday. Women who earn enough
good-behavior credits get to take 12- to 24-hour leaves to visit families.

To earn credits, "you just stay out of trouble," Gina said, "It's
working your homework, keeping your area clean, doing your chores."

Gina said she might get a 24-hour pass to visit her family this
weekend. Sometimes MONARCH helps women in their efforts to keep or
regain custody of their children, Wheeler said.

"It depends on the situation," Wheeler said. "If it's Department of
Human Services, we try to work together to reuinite the children and
mother. If the mother is doing what she is supposed to be doing in
recovery, we can send progress letters (to the DHS or the courts) or
we go in person to court meetings."

Gina "has a long way to go to get custody of her children," she said.
"She has to go through a lot of court battles."

If needed, MONARCH can bring families into women's counseling
sessions, Wheeler said.

Gina said she knows she still has a long way to go to make sure her
family reunion stays happy.

"There's always going to be something I missed that I'm going to have
to apologize for," she said. "As long as I'm clean and sober, I'm
going to be doing a lot of apologizing."