STONERS RUIN CU'S REPUTATION

In 2003 CU was ranked the No. 1 party school in the country by the
Princeton Review (which, incidentally, is about as closely affiliated
to Princeton as O.J. Simpson is to orange juice). We were on top, the
best, numero uno. As Leonardo DiCaprio might say, we were "king of
the world!" However, in 2004, a horrible thing happened and that
ranking dropped to No. 9. Since that time, our reputation has
continued to decline, and the Buffs have not broken the top 20 in the
past three years.

Apparently, the current administration is not concerned about this
problem in the least. As far as we know, the CU faculty and staff are
doing nothing to help the students regain their championship.

Part of the reason for this drop in "party school" status could be
that CU is now ranked No. 15 in marijuana use. And as we all know,
stoners are notorious slackers. All they do is sit on the couch, eat
Fritos and watch Dora the Explorer (Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no
swiping! Swiper, no swiping!).

In order for CU to once again be the primo party school in the
country, we're going to have to break these students of their pot
habits... and get them hooked on crystal meth. Hopefully the Boulder
community will get behind this program, and we can regain that
coveted No. 1 title once again.