DISTRAUGHT AT METH EPIDEMIC'S TOLL

NEW YORK It's a Friday evening, traditional kickoff time for the party
scene in New York's gay community, but the 75 men packed into a small room
at a gay health center aren't in a partying mood.

Through a humbling 12-step program modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous, they
are battling to kick their addiction to methamphetamine, and in doing so
escape an epidemic that is roiling urban gay communities nationwide with
disease, despair, embarrassment and anger.

Meth is an equal-opportunity menace many thousands of men and women, gay
and straight, have fallen prey to it in rural villages, placid suburbs and
city slums. But gay leaders in New York, California and elsewhere bluntly
acknowledge that their communities have distinctive problems with the drug,
and an unavoidable responsibility to combat it.

"Years from now we'll look back, as gay men, and be pretty despondent that
we popularized and glamorized this drug," said Dan Carlson, an ex-addict
who has become one of New York's leading anti-meth campaigners.

"I'm not anti-partying or anti-sex," he said. "But how can we fight for our
rights as a sexual minority if we don't establish what's right and wrong in
our community, and look out for each other."

Chrystal meth which can be snorted, smoked or injected has been a popular
gay party drug on the West Coast for more than a decade, and in New York
since the late 1990s. In many cities, however, gay activists and health
officials were not quick to confront the fact that the drug, by curbing
inhibitions and boosting energy, encourages unsafe multi-partner sex and
thus increases the risk of HIV transmission.

In New York, alarm over meth intensified in February, when health officials
reported a rare strain of highly resistant, rapidly progressing HIV in a
gay man who regularly engaged in meth-fueled sex parties. But the tide
began turning against the drug a year earlier; when gay activists held the
first of several forums on the epidemic and an ex-addict named Peter Staley
circulated posters with an eye-catching message: "Buy Crystal. Get HIV Free."

Staley, a bond trader-turned-AIDS activist, is guardedly optimistic that
the forums and ad campaigns are helping stigmatize the drug.

"A year and a half ago, this was a whispered-about epidemic," he said, "If
it came up, it was someone bragging about their wild weekend on meth, and
no one had the courage to say, 'What the hell are you laughing about?'

"That's completely changed," Staley said. "When gay men ask a friend about
it now, they're as likely to hear, 'That stuff destroys lives,' as they are
to hear, 'Oh, you should try this; it's amazing.'"

One indicator that the anti-meth message is spreading is a surge of addicts
seeking help at Crystal Meth Anonymous and other recovery programs.

Meth Anonymous started in New York six years ago with one weekly meeting,
attended by half-dozen men. It now offers 24 meetings a week, attended by
anywhere from a dozen to more than 100 people.

Some of the men at the recent Friday meeting, clearly on the edge, were
just beginning their attempt to quit; others had been off meth for two
years, yet still embraced the intensive group support in trying to stay sober.

The evening's speaker, a former flight attendant celebrating one year off
meth, riveted the audience with wrenching account of his unhappy youth, his
descent into prolonged addiction, his years as a hustler getting paid for
sex even as he contracted HIV and other diseases. "Darkness" was how he
described his life at the nadir.

The spiritual, abstinence-only philosophy of Meth Anonymous works for some
men, but repels others. Some counselors espouse an alternative know as
"harm reduction," cautioning users about meth's risks while encouraging
addicts who can't quit to avoid overdoses, take care of their health
and to the extent possible engage in safe sex even while high.

Jean Malpas, a gay psychotherapists in New York, has been handling
meth-related cases for four years. He won't condemn harm reduction, but
says he has yet to encounter anyone who can use meth recreationally without
developing an addiction.

"At some point, when Friday night come along, they don't know what else to
do," he said.

Increased publicity about the gay meth epidemic comes at an awkward time
for the national gay-rights movement as it pushes for same-sex marriage rights.

"There is anger at the opportunity this phenomenon is giving the rest of
the world to associate the gay identity with promiscuous sex, with
out-of-control behavior," Malpas said. "We don't need additional
opportunities to be perceived negatively."

Kathleen Watt, who runs the Van Ness addiction-recovery center in Los
Angeles, believes some major gay advocacy groups have tried to play down
the epidemic.

"They're afraid people are going to say, 'Why should we put money into HIV
treatment when these guys are knowingly going out and having sex and
infecting other people?'" she said.

Matt Foreman, executive director of the National Gay and lesbian Task
Force, said some accounts of the gay meth problem had been "salacious" and
"overjudgmental" highlighting the role of promiscuous sex while
underplaying the destructive addictiveness of meth for any user, gay or
straight. He praised gay activists for taking the lead in fighting the
epidemic.

Foreman and other gay-rights leaders also note that even in the hardest-hit
communities, most gay men don't use meth. Estimates have ranged from 10
percent or 20 percent of all gay men, and as high as 40 percent in San
Francisco by any measure a problem that can't be wished away.

Perry Halkitis, a New York University psychologist specializing in the
study of HIV/AIDS and drugs, says the root cause of meth addicition for
many gays is not sex or partying, but deeper problems of isolation and low
self-esteem, particularly is they are HIV positive.

"Users are often experiencing mental health problems," he said. "You have
this really viscious cycle HIV, meth, depression."

Experts say many men in this category are experiencing "safe-sex
fatigue" they are tired of using condoms, believe medication can contain
their HIV, and are emboldened by meth to forget their difficulties and
engage in unprotected sex." "Meth was the drug that would turn your head
off and allow you to have the sex you though you were missing out on,"
Kathleen Watt said.

At the Callen-Lorde health center, which serves New York's gay community,
the staff wrestles constantly with cases involving meth and unsafe sex.

"Safer sex is not everybody's idea of a good time," said Callen-Lorde's
executive director, Jay Laudato. "When you're high, you decide not to make
the healthy choice you think, 'Why should I?'"

The resulting addictions are often disastrous, Laudato said men lose their
jobs, their friends and, because of one alarming side effect, even their teeth.

The current prevention campaigning tries to promote the concept of healthy,
meth-free sex. Peter Staley's latest ads, for example, feature posters of
buff male models, accompanied by the slogan, "Crystal Free and Sexy."

New York City's health department contributed $300,000 last year to support
the activists' education campaigns. More money is coming this year.

"When gay men saw their peers' lives destroyed, it was like another
HIV/AIDS plague," said Brett Larson, director of the city's office of
esbian and gay health. "This was something they weren't going to tolerate.
The community has done an incredible job getting the word out."