SUCCUMBING TO METH

Cares and responsibility just fade away when you're using meth.

Job. School. Friends. Family. Children.

Former meth user Christy Kotz of Klamath Falls knows. She lost custody of
her son because of meth, and found it challenging to win him back.

"For a long time I just had no life except drugs," she said. "My day
consisted of meth. It was like a cigarette. I would wake up and smoke a
bowl of meth."

After that first bowl, the rest of Kotz's day was spent trying to get more
for herself or others or trying to sell it so she could buy beer.

Her routine consisted of balancing the high of methamphetamine with the
"downer" effect of alcohol.

Unlike many methamphetamine addicts, she got to the point she could use
meth and go straight to bed.

"That's when I thought I didn't have a problem," she said.

So it went for years. But in early 2004 her son, Sebastian, was taken from
her, and her drug-dominated world fell apart.

Kotz's story is just one of many similar stories in Klamath County.

A factor in 71.2 percent of cases, drug abuse is the second-highest reason
children in Oregon are taken from their families and placed in foster care,
according to the 2004 Status of Children report by the Department of Human
Services.

The statistic is true in Klamath County, too.

Local child welfare director Cyndi Kallstrom said domestic abuse and drug
and alcohol abuse were the most common reasons for removal.

At the state level, physical abuse is slightly higher than drug abuse at
72.3 percent.

Kallstrom said many removal cases result from several reasons, and things
like drug abuse and neglect often go hand in hand.

Kotz, 28, was on and off methamphetamine since age 24. She sobered up when
pregnant with Sebastian but started using the drug again after he was born.

Sebastian is Kotz's third child. Her oldest two live with her ex-husband
and were not part of the DHS case.

After Kotz spent two years living a life of night clubs and day and night
fixes, the woman babysitting Kotz's son, Kathy Rojo, took the boy, now 3,
into the local child welfare office.

"It was the hardest thing I've ever done," Rojo said. "We had been taking
care of him for probably one and a half years.

"We'd have him a week at a time, and we really wanted to help Christy and
Sebastian, but we felt like we were enabling her."

Kotz said she was mad at her friend for a long time for stepping in, but
she was really mad at the world.

"I hated DHS, I hated everyone for a long time," she said, remembering the
names she called her caseworker.

It took three months before reality set in.

"I thought I was invincible and I could get him back," Kotz said.

She was pulled back to reality after being jailed for failure to make a
court appearance.

"I decided, 'No more,' " she said.

Kevin Homer's story is similar.

Homer, a lifetime Klamath Falls resident, first got involved with child
welfare services in 1997, and was a repeat customer two times for using meth.

"We just refused to comply or do anything but drugs," Homer said.

Unlike Kotz, Homer was home with his children when state workers came to
get them.

"It was really traumatic," he said. "The drug team came and raided our
house, and the kids were sitting there while we were handcuffed.

"It was traumatic for me, but it was ridiculous for them."

Two of his children and his stepdaughter were taken from his and his
ex-wife's custody. It took two tries for Homer to get clean. His first
lasted for two and a half years before he was using again.

It's a vicious cycle, he said.

"It's like a secret society, you only hang out with other people who use,"
he said. "You look at everyone else as the bad guys. It's a real
us-versus-them mentality."

Then his third child, Eric, now 3, was born while he and his ex-wife were
both serving six-month sentences in the Klamath County Jail.

Eric's birth was a wake-up call.

"The consequences were just finally enough," Homer said.

He's clean now and still counting the days.

"It's been three years, six months, five days, and one and half hours," he
said looking at his watch during an interview July 21.

To gain custody of his youngest son, Homer and his ex-wife had to
relinquish parental rights of their oldest three to her parents.

Although they were visiting their older children frequently, his ex-wife
recently had a falling out with her parents, and he hasn't been able to see
the children since.

"There's just a trail of destruction you leave (with meth), starting with
your family," he said. "It will end anything in its path."

Kotz, Homer and Rojo - also a former addict - all said using
methamphetamine isn't something one does once in a while.

"You can't just try meth. It takes over," Rojo said.

Homer agreed.

"Meth is, for most people, not a casual thing," he said. "You jump in with
both feet. Most meth users are also dealers."

Homer said the decision to start using was easy - someone offered it.

"It's cheap. It makes you feel energetic, it takes away all your worries
and you feel like you can do anything," he said. "That's why it's so
addictive."

Homer said that though his parents loved and supported him, when he was
using they wanted him behind bars.

"My dad told me, 'The only time I can sleep at night is when you're in
jail, because I know you're safe and I know what you're doing,' " he said.
"That's the only time I was safe from myself."

Kotz danced at Cowgirls during her drug years, and said it was all too easy
to obtain meth.

"Most of the time, we'd hustle somebody," she said. "I wasn't the only one
who used either. One of the other dancers always had some. We were so out
of our minds."

To get their children back, Homer and Kotz had to go through many programs
with several different agencies.

Drug court, treatment programs, parenting classes, urine tests, counseling,
visitations, home checks.

In 2004, 45.2 percent of children placed in foster care in Klamath County
were returned to their parents or legal guardians within a year.

The 2004 Oregon statistics show statewide returns at 63 percent.

For Homer, the cooperation of various agencies helped.

"They kept me on a pretty short leash," he said. "All in all, I would say
the police, the drug team, child welfare - all are fantastic agencies once
a person gets back to their right mind.

"They're here to protect children, but also to help parents be better so
they can protect their kids."

For Kotz, the result was good, but the effort exhausting.

"It takes a lot of work, and sometimes it's hard for people in the system
to maintain jobs and complete all the programs they expect," she said. "I
lost two jobs because of the classes and appointments"

To get Sebastian back, she had to hold down a job, pay her fines, attend
all the classes and show up for visitations with her son.

She almost got kicked out of drug court because she missed some classes
while trying to fulfill all her other obligations.

They assumed she had relapsed.

"For that I almost lost that whole year I'd worked for," Kotz said. If
she'd been kicked out it would have affected her entire DHS case.

Responsibilities and obligations are the last thing drug users want to
think about, and she said she struggled to relearn small things like making
herself get up and go to classes.

She eventually completed all the requirements, and her case at DHS was
closed more than a month ago.

Kotz and Homer have their sons back, and both feel they've kicked meth for
good.

Homer, who regained custody of Eric in 2003, has done a complete turn-around.

He's now lead drug and alcohol counselor at Lutheran Community Services, a
member of the Klamath County meth task force, and is married to a case
worker at DHS.

Although working within the system he had once resisted was awkward at
first, Homer said it's become normal.

"I think they see I'm using my experience to a positive level," he said. "I
have the experience, so I can meet drug users at their level. I can see
where they're at. Some of their attitudes I can relate to."

Seeing meth users every day is like a glimpse into the past.

"I'm thankful I get to see it on a daily basis," Homer said. "It's a daily
thing. It's all about remembering how your life was."

Kotz has no interest in contact with anything from her drug days, and has a
gut reaction on the rare occasion she meets someone she did drugs with.

"I get kind of a sick feeling in my stomach," she said. "I don't want them
to talk to me, because I know what they have to say is no good.

"I had to completely cut ties with everyone I knew."

Kotz works at Rojo's store, the Sound Man. She regained custody of
Sebastian in February and is currently on maternity leave.

Before drugs took over, she was studying nursing in Portland and hopes to
take up her studies again.

Homer takes each day at a time, and looks at the people he counsels to
remind himself how far he's come.

Kotz doesn't worry about relapsing at all.

"When you get out of the programs, they make sure you don't just walk out
the door. You're set up," she said.

Both parents said making up for lost time with their 3-year-olds and
rekindling those relationships has been essential to their recovery.

On Aug. 12, Kotz gave birth to her fourth child, Tequoi Austin, and is
reclaiming her life.

"I enjoy watching movies again, going to the lake, going out camping ..
just the dumbest things you don't think about," she said. "It's amazing how
much that (drug) lifestyle takes over."