BOYCOTT GANJA

Alas, it seems there's actually a real reason not to smoke marijuana.
There's a threat to America's forests, and it isn't the logging industry.
It's dope growers. It seems that tighter border security since 9/11 has
driven drug cartels onto protected wild lands, like Sequoia National Park,
where they log, plant pot, spill pesticides and herbicides, divert water
from creeks, trample everything in sight, leave trash and then take their
harvest to the streets.

The Los Angeles Times reports that growers are using protected public lands
on an agri-business scale, destroying tracts of otherwise untouched
wilderness. While the feds are sending armed agents into the forests, they
are vastly outnumbered and fighting a losing battle. A bust in one part of
one park results in operations sprouting up somewhere else, spreading the
environmental damage and compounding the problem.

Talk about a buzz kill. What if that joint in your hand was filled at the
expense of a giant sequoia that had stood proud and tall since before the
Pilgrims landed? What if countless furry critters were poisoned to harvest
your herb? What if the fish in a creek first choked on chemicals and then
drowned in the cruel air because their water was siphoned off to nurture
your dope?

What if your bud is not so kind?

The solution is clear. Just as the tuna industry was forced to tell
consumers which brands were dolphin-safe during the '80s, so the marijuana
industry should now be forced to tell buyers which keys are forest-safe.
Dealers can tuck little labels inside their baggies that read, "No trees or
forest creatures were harmed in the growing of this ganja."

Of course, the problem with this is that no one who sells dope wants a
paper trail. The guy down the hall who sells it to you bought it from
someone who wants to remain anonymous. Why? Because the Bush administration
is waiting to bust his ass and send him to Club Fed.

So here's another solution: Put the crooks who cut down sequoia trees out
of business by making marijuana legal.