TAKE ME TO YOUR DEALER

The Politics Of Drug Use

Critics of marijuana have been taking a lot of hits over the past few
weeks, and new information lauding the benefits of the drug might
have them toking, err, taking a few more.

First it was a University of Saskatchewan study that claimed mary
jane could be good for your brain.

"Chronic use of marijuana may actually improve learning memory when
the new neurons in the hippocampus can mature in two or three
months," said researcher Xia Zhang. Did that dude just say neurons in
the hippocampus? What's he smokin,' man?

Second was a report in the medical journal Harm Reduction that said
pot is less of a cancer risk than tobacco, which is kind of like
saying getting hit by a car hurts a lot less than getting hit by a
bus. But the study found the active ingredient in pot,
tetrahydrocannabinol-which thankfully has an acronym, THC-can
actually "exert a protective effect" against the same cancer-causing
agents found in cigarettes.

Now if Health Canada can't get the 5.1 million Canadians to quit
smoking, maybe it can convince them to switch to toking? Not only
would we have a healthier, mellowed-out population, but the daily
commute would be super trippy.

Let's face it, drugs are good for you. You wan to run faster? Inject
steroids. You want to dance longer? Swallow Ecstasy. You want to stay
alert while driving an 18-wheeler for 72 hours straight? Pop some
ephedrine. You want to be a player in provincial politics? Snort coke.

Even Pauline Marois gets the buzz. She isn't within a sniff (or is it
a snort) of admitted cokehead Andre Boisclair in her bid to lead the
Parti-Quebecois, so now she too is playing the drug card.

Apparently, Pauline puffed as a 19-year-old in college-she even
inhaled-but stopped right away because darn it, she just didn't like it.

But Marois is still behind Boisclair in the polls. Is it because
cocaine is a harder drug than marijuana? Is the high these candidates
reach in the polls related to the high they've reached after using their drugs?

Gilbert Paquette got a head-start on the PQ leadership race by
earning a drunk-driving charge early this summer. But it didn't seem
to help him much and polls have him sitting seventh out of nine
candidates. If only those marijuana studies would have been released
a bit earlier, then Mr. Paquette would have known that alcohol is so
passe. Maybe if the police had found a couple of baggies in
Paquette's pocket, or a bong on the backseat, he'd be the next PQ
dealer, I mean, leader.

Another Parti-Quebecois hopeful, Richard Legendre, is proposing a
"health revolution" to improve the level of fitness of Quebecers. He
wants tax breaks to promote healthy living and an hour of exercise
for elementary and high school students. Does doing the
puff-puff-pass during lunch hour count as healthy living? Who do you
think Quebec students would rather see as their next premier; a
former tennis player who wants to see them run laps all day, or
Mary-Jane Marois?

The University of Saskatchewan study also suggests that marijuana can
curb anxiety and depression, prevent nausea, control seizures and
ease pain. If Marois becomes our next premier, we're all going to
need some of the green stuff.