A grandmother's challenge

CLEARWATER -- Weariness is etched in the lines around Arnetta
Hurst's eyes, which
fill with tears when she talks about her efforts to keep the children
together. The 57-year-old grandmother doesn't have time to be tired
or sad. She has children to raise. Hurst has legal custody of six of
her grandchildren, who range in age from 3 to 17. While her seven
children are grown and out of the house, she now has a whole new set
of concerns.

She's worried about finding a home big enough for seven. She's
worried about having enough food and decent clothing. She's worried
about whether she can pay this month's light bill.

"I never imagined I'd be raising grandkids," Hurst said. "I thought
after my kids got grown, it was my time to enjoy life. It didn't work
out like that."

Hurst is not alone in having to forfeit her golden years to care for
her children's children. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the
number of children who lived in a grandparent household increased 76
percent between 1970 and 1997, growing from 2.2-million to
3.9-million.

In 2000, more than 4.5-million children lived in households headed by
a grandparent, census figures showed.

"Almost all of our programs serving families have seen more
grandparents bringing grandchildren in," said Rhonda Miller Sheared,
vice president of programs and development for Family Service Centers
Inc. which provides counseling, education and home visitation
programs for more than 22,000 people a year in Pinellas, Pasco and
Hillsborough counties.

"One of the biggest reasons many of the grandparents have these
children is because the parent themselves have either been
incarcerated or succumb to some kind of drug addition and have lost
custody," Sheared said. "Grandparents have stepped in to keep them
from the childcare system."

That's the situation with Hurst, who has two daughters battling crack
cocaine addictions. She has custody of her 30-year-old daughter's
four children, who are ages 17 through 8. The youngest, Kentrail, was
born more than four months premature and weighed 22 ounces.

"That's when they found drugs in her system," Hurst said of her
daughter, who is now in a drug rehabilitation facility in Orlando.

Hurst also has custody of two of her 28-year-old daughter's six
children, ages 3 and 4.

"I couldn't imagine them being raised in foster care, apart from one
another," Hurst said, her eyes filling with tears. "I couldn't let
that happen. I'm just trying to keep them together."

Two months ago, Hurst and the grandchildren packed all their clothes
and moved to a house on Elderidge Street in Clearwater. Her sister,
Arlene Echols has lived across the street since 1970.

The furniture they left behind in the three-bedroom apartment in Fort
Pierce "wasn't worth bringing," Hurst said.

"It's been a blessing being here," she said. "I'm close to my sister
and people who can help. But it's just so hard. It's hard."

A Pinellas County support group, Grandparents raising Grandchildren,
tries to help grandparents cope with raising a second generation of
children. The group, started 19 years ago by two grandparents in St.
Petersburg, meets twice a month at James B. Sanderlin Family Center
in St. Petersburg.

"They are not out there alone and not the only ones going through
it," said Jacqueline Shields, 57, an 18-year support group member and
now a facilitator who had custody of her three grandchildren.

"Some tend to be very private and not let everybody know but with
sharing stories and lives, you realize, I'm not by myself," Shields
said.

By going to the group, Shields said she learned not to blame
herself.

"You raised your child to the best of your ability, and your child
decides to go astray, it's hard to deal with," Shields said. "But I
learned, it's not my fault."

Hurst is still struggling to keep it all together. Though the
Elderidge home has plenty of room and a huge back yard for the
children to run and play, she doesn't know how long she'll be able to
stay. The house is a month-to-month rental because the owners want to
sell it.

Hurst has taken an initial home-buying seminar through the Clearwater
Neighborhood Housing Services Inc., an effort to put herself in a
position to purchase a home.

"Hopefully, a miracle happens and she can buy it," Echols
said.

But in addition to the children's health, Hurst has to deal with her
own. Two years ago, cancer was found on her right lung. A portion of
the lung was removed. She's also been diagnosed with Black lung
disease and is on disability. Having to walk any distance causes
Hurst to wheeze.

But the stress of raising young children is taking a toll, which
concerns Echols.

"She's here with family and it's easier to help being close by," said
Echols, who takes her sister to run errands everyday after work.
Hurst doesn't have a car.

As Hurst sat on her back patio, the younger boys rode bikes donated
to them during Christmas. Kentrail bounced a basketball while one of
the older girls, 15-year-old Sherell, brought Hurst the day's mail.

There were two white envelopes. Hurst opened one - a notice that her
food subsidy was reduced by $14.

"It's been so hard," she said, placing her face in her hands. "It's
just so hard."

IF YOU NEED HELP:

Childnet is available to first time parents, teen parents, single
parents, custodial grandparents and any family with children ages 17
or younger who are experiencing stressful situations with parenting
or home management services.

The program builds upon existing family strengths by developing new
parenting and home-management skills as well as to access needed
community resources. For more information go to www.familyservicecenters.org
or call (727) 536-1817.

More information is available about local grandparent caregiver
programs at www.agingcarefl.org/services/programs/grandparent.