DON'T MAKE GRANDPA A VIGILANTE

"If you furnish any drugs to my kids, I'll kill you myself." Did I
actually speak those words once upon a time? Did I mean what I said?

Back in the olden days when our kids were reaching high school age, we
stumbled on a golden opportunity to caution them about illegal
substances. Every kid needs a word of caution about drugs.

More than just a word of caution, every kid needs good reasons just to
say, "NO!" And the reasons must come from parents.

Years ago, a young woman in our community hitched up with a suspicious
character from a nearby city. The city happened to be Ann Arbor. But
the suspicious character had already lived in a number of different
cities in his young life, so don't single out Ann Arbor for censure.
In casual conversation one day, the suspicious character expressed
interest in dealing drugs in this area. He thought this would be prime
real estate for setting up a little money-making business. This was
back in the 1970s.

I simply told him, if he fed any drugs to my kids, I'd kill him
myself. Overly strong language? Perhaps. Words spoken in the heat of
the moment sometimes come out that way.

I am not a particularly violent person. I don't think teachers should
carry guns in the classroom. They shouldn't need to. Or brass
knuckles, or knives, either. That should not be necessary, and we must
work to make it unnecessary.

You can go to prison for a long time for killing somebody, even when
the killing seems justified in the heat of the moment. Perhaps only
voicing a threat to kill a potential drug dealer is enough to warrant
prosecution. But some things need saying in no uncertain terms.

In our case, we are fairly certain the suspicious character reneged on
his interest in dealing drugs hereabouts. At least I know he never
dealt any drugs to our kids. Other people's kids may not have been so
lucky.

We are so blessed. All four of our kids went on to earn master's
degrees, got good jobs, and are raising fine families.

Now there are grandkids to worry about. I had occasion the other day
to dress up an old thought in new clothing.

First, I shared with the grandkids what I told their dad and his
siblings about my threat to kill a potential drug dealer.

Then I urged them not to be responsible for sending Grampa to prison
for the rest of his life, because, "If anybody furnishes drugs to you,
my grandchildren, I will kill him myself."

I reminded them, if I have to do the deed, they may end up visiting me
behind bars for the rest of my life. But I would still consider it
worth the sacrifice.

I think the grandkids will be safe. But I also know it's not for lack
of opportunity. People are merchandising drugs to kids all around us.

Conditions have become lax to the point that people joke about smoking
and sniffing all manner of illegal substances. I've never seen any
reason to make a joke of it. I've only seen great harm come of it.

A young person once sat in my office claiming to be high on marijuana.
Other than acting a bit silly, he claimed a high degree of expertise
in arithmetic while smoking pot. He boasted he could solve the most
difficult mathematical problems in his head while high.

I wish I'd had a video camera running. I could have shown him later
what a fool he was making of himself. He couldn't even add two plus
two and get the right answer twice in a row.

To be perfectly honest, if anyone asked me in front of a live camera
whether I ever tasted beer at an illegal age, I would have to admit I
swallowed. I never smoked, but I did swallow.

If anyone will listen, I will repeat the story of that night ashore so
many years ago with other crew members in Superior, Wis. I was lucky
to make it back to the boat alive.

Alcohol holds the status of a ceremonial drug in polite society. But
call it what you will, alcohol is still a drug, and is taxed
accordingly.

All drugs -- including highly valued medicines -- are poisonous to one
degree or another. That's why they work. They heal by altering some
bodily function. That's the nature of a poison. In higher doses,
medicines may alter things too much. Death may result. No doubt all
drugs are poisons.

Alcohol, for example, is a nerve poison. Alcohol defacilitates the
transmission of tiny electrochemical impulses across the nerve
synapses. Under the influence of alcohol, the flow of messages along
all the nerve chains in the body slows down measurably.

Defacilitate means alcohol messes up your feet, your tongue and your
brain, in no particular order.

I see no use for the whole breed of illegal substances. Even as we
speak, San Francisco is trying to get a handle on the fact that
one-seventh of all emergency medical responses in the city involve
drug overdoses. One proposed solution would provide onsite clinics in
which drugs users could shoot up safely in private cubicles under
nursing supervision and then chill out with a cup of coffee afterward.

I regret seeing anyone die over a habit or from a disease contracted
from the habit. It is not at all clear what such habits contribute to
the productivity and happiness of society at large. It's as much a
matter of productive versus destructive as it is right versus wrong or
good versus evil.

With all this in mind, would I have done as I threatened years ago if
I had caught the suspicious character furnishing drugs to my kids?

I'm glad I never had the opportunity to find out.

Grandkids, Grampa does not really wish to become a vigilante. Do your
best to keep Grampa out of prison.