OLD MANTRA NO LONGER POINTS WAY

My vote for the most discredited mantra of the 1960s is the claims, "If it
feels good, do it." More than 2 million Americans are currently behind bars
for doing something that felt good at the time but just happened to be
illegal and harmful to themselves or others. Judging from the recidivism
rate, once released, most prisoners revert to some of their old
undisciplined behavior.

The '60s mantra survives in our "it's all about me" generation. Instead of
the golden rule that states, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto
you," the current tendency is to disregard others altogether unless they
can be persuaded to please us.

Let's acknowledge there was a bit of wisdom behind freeing ourselves of
senseless repressions. But when baby boomers became parents, they tended to
pass along their permissiveness to their children. So we now have schools
across the nation where learning cannot be achieved until discipline is
established in the classroom.

Good luck. External discipline doesn't substitute for self-discipline,
which in turn rests upon a willingness to delay gratification not
self-denial, mind you, but merely postponing pleasure. One of the lessons
that feminism learned was to caution women seeking life-long satisfaction:
"You can have it all, but not all at the same time."

In the 1960s Stanford University psychologist Walter Mischel devised a test
to measure what he called "emotional intelligence." It is now known as the
"marshmallow test." Starting with students in nursery school, he followed
their progress through the classroom toward adulthood.

Imagine yourself at the age of four as one of his subjects. He offers to
give you one marshmallow now, no questions asked, but if you agree to wait
until he returns from an errand, he will reward you with two marshmallows.
For many of the tots in his experiment the choice was as agonizing as the
Inquisition the conflict between impulse and restraint, desire and
self-control.

One-third of the boys and girls grabbed their one marshmallow the instant
Dr. Mischel left the nursery. The others fidgeted with impatience, but
received two marshmallows when Mischel returned after just 15 minutes.
Following up when the tots where in their teens, he discovered that the
impulsive marshmallow grabbers displayed stubbornness, indecisiveness and
shyness, and were prone to envy, emotional upset and anger. Moreover, they
were unable to postpone pleasure. Whereas those who delayed gratification
were more effective and self-assertive, and better able to negotiate stress
and frustration. Teachers and peers alike found them confident, trustworthy
and dependable.

Ryan Hill of the TEAM Academy Charter School in Newark, N. J., believes
self-discipline can be taught. If TV interfered with study the night
before, his students must stay after school until their homework is done.
Delaying gratification, he says, soon becomes a habit.

DAVID YOUNT is author of the book "Celebrating the Rest of You Life: A Baby
Boomer's Guide to Spirituality" (Augsburg).