HELPING PARENTS SEPARATE FACT FROM FICTION

Has your teenager ever turned to you in a fit of anger and let you
know in no uncertain terms that you don't know anything? Ever sit
back to realize that with times moving so fast that perhaps he or she is right?

When it comes to talking to your kid about drugs, are your kids
better educated on the subject than you are? Studies show that
parents are a powerful force in helping kids stay off drugs - but
without informed communication on the part of a parent, mom and dad's
influence quickly dwindles and the influence of peers floods into the void.

With standing room only at a showing of the local drug video, 'the
CBC Passionate Eye documentary, by local filmmaker Eva Wunderman,
dealing with Crystal Meth and its impact on Hope youth,' two things
became clear... the first was that families care, and the second is
there is a real need out there for some concrete direction.

Now a program is being introduced by the Fraser Cascade School
District to help parents learn myth from fact, learn skills to help
you to react when you suspect a child is using drugs, learn how not
to exacerbate the problem, learn how and where to seek out help, and
how to support a person down a long road of relapses to recovery.

But the first thing the program facilitators what you to know is that
they are not professionals just two caring parents, who have been
there, and who stand behind the success rates of Focus on the Family
programs. For twenty years, Andrew and Dawn Bernardi, who recently
moved to Hope to take a position with Camp Kawkawa, have been
involved in the programs, and heard the families' cries that night
for answers to questions on drugs?

Does finding Gravol in a young woman's bedroom signal drug use? Could
it be a possible abuse of alcohol? Could it be the Gravol high itself
and not crystal meth? Could there be other reasons... How do you
react: when a tiny 'baggie' surfaces in the wash water, a burn knife
is found under a bed, a small blow torch is a regular accessory in a
backpack.... pressured by fear and disappointment the parent clashes
with the kid. The kid recoils back to his peers...

And peers are a powerful force, agree Andrew and Dr. Mate Gabor,
co-author of 'Hold onto Your Kids,' and who found himself in that
passionate and painful question and answer period at the January 19th
screening at the Hope Cinema, as families reached out in desperation
for solid answers.

Now an educational resource for parents, offering practical ways to
identify drug use behaviours, called 'How to Drug Proof Your Kids,"
is being offered in Hope. The program was created by the non-profit
organization Focus on the Family as a way to support Australian
families seeking the same answers.

The two-day interactive seminar is for parents, guardians,
grandparents, foster parents, any adult in care of a youth. The
seminars run February 17th and 18th and again on February 24 - 25.
There is a maximum of 20 - 25 participants. A cost of $20 covers the
cost of the workbook and materials for parents.

"It is not a lecture, it is about an exchange of information and
feedback between parents in an environment that encourages
discussion, says Andrew Bernardi.

"I am so passionate about this course I could run it every night...
if there is a need, this is just a start for us."

The couple who are not paid for their services, do not advocate fear
mongering and do not carry the view that Crystal Meth is rampant...
what could be considered rampant is the use of marijuana, that sits
at 50 per cent usage amongst youth according to 2002 statistics
versus 10 per cent for all amphetamines.

"Whatever you are using to alter your personality is a gateway drug,"
adds Andrew, whether it is Ritalin, smoking, alcohol, the "high
becomes" the person's "normality."

And another gateway to drug use is your peer group. One day you ask a
friend if have any pot... and the answer is no but why not try
this.... "The very first thing you have to get rid of the friends and
that is a really lonely thing to do."

"Your friends aren't really friends" they are just people who you do
drugs with....

The dynamic and warm, Bernardi, quickly breaks down the barricade
formed by his rough and ready look, and in an instant opens up to his
own days as a youth who abused alcohol and drugs... starting with
smoking cigarettes stolen from his friend's father, ending in a long
struggle to control his addictive personality.... He quickly flashes
back through those feeling on being an outsider as a kid, the need to
fit in, the good feeling drugs gave him... before they starting
taking away so much.

As a co-facilitator of the program, his wife Dawn, is a great
connection for parents, says Andrew, as she saw him through his many
lapses and relapses of recovery. "She was instrumental in my
success," says Andrew, leaning over to give her a shy hug.

"One of the keys to recovery is having an accountability person, that
is there after a relapse but does not come down on you. During
recovery it is not a point of if there is going to be a relapse, but
when there is a relapse, and families have to know how they are going
to deal with it... "

With a nudge under the table, she brings the conversation back to the
details of the course they will both soon be leading.

"What scares him the most now is that there is going to be a parent
who says right now, I am in trouble and where do I go?" adds Dawns,
questioning the long waiting lists for drug rehabilitation programs
yet when immediate action is a known key to success. "Ok, so now we
finally have awareness and we still can't do anything?"

Although their course is not a magic solution for any parent... the
more knowledge the better. The course will cover Canadian drug use
statistics, drugs in the community, what parents can do, factors
leading to drug and alcohol misuse, knowing your child better, the
facts on drug use, a parents' action plan, ways to identify drug
misuse, prevention tools, parents' reactions to drug use, the
intervention process, communication, and surviving a relapse.

Registrations are being for "How to Drug Proof Your Kids' are being
taken at C.E. Barry Middle School.