PARENT SHOULD 'SCHOOL' DRUG-DEALING TEACHER

Dear Amy: This past weekend I attended a large cocktail party with a
group of new friends.

At this party some of the other guests were smoking marijuana and
doing other illegal drugs. I recognized one of the drug users as an
elementary teacher at my daughter's school.

Because the school is large, I doubt the teacher recognized me. My
daughter is not in her class. I know this teacher has tenure because
she has been at the school for a long time.

When I asked my friends about what was going on, they informed me that
not only was this teacher a heavy drug user but also the supplier of
the group.

I would not want this person as my daughter's teacher. I feel as if I
should tell the school to do a random drug test. But with this
economy, I don't wish to facilitate anyone losing their job.

Can you give me some advice on how to handle this? - Worried and
Confused

Dear Worried: I am going to assume that everything you say is
absolutely correct and that this is not a case of mistaken identity.

You don't want this teacher teaching your child. So let's assume that
the other children at your daughter's elementary school also deserve a
sober and basically law-abiding teacher.

You cannot tell the school to administer a random drug test. You can,
however, tell the school exactly what you saw and ask them to
investigate this and handle it according to their own standards.

In addition to committing a crime by consuming and peddling illegal
drugs, this teacher is exercising colossal bad judgment.

Your compassion regarding the economy runs two ways: If this teacher
vacates the position, perhaps someone more competent and more
deserving will be hired as a replacement.

Dear Amy: My boyfriend of six months recently got a "friend request"
on Facebook from a former girlfriend. They broke up nine years ago,
but their relationship was serious until she cheated on him. He
accepted her friend request, and she told him that she is now
divorcing the man she cheated on him to be with.

I am torn because I realize this was a long time ago, so it seems
silly to be jealous. Still, I wonder why he feels the need to be in
contact with this person.

From what I can tell, they have not been messaging each other, except
for an initial exchange.

It also irks me that in this exchange of messages (which he let me
read at my request); he talked about his job and recent move, but
nothing about having a girlfriend.

He said that pictures of us together are right there on his profile
page and that I should not control who he is friends with on Facebook.
He said he would take care of things in his own time frame.

We are talking about living together, but this issue feels like the
elephant in the room.

Am I being oversensitive? - Worried

Dear Worried: In this context, so far the contact between these two
is akin to two people running into each other at the mall and catching up.

You say he "feels the need to be in contact with this person," but
according to you, this isn't much of a need. He didn't reach out to
her - he simply responded to her. Choose to trust him, unless he gives
you more reason not to trust him.

Don't move in together, however, until you can chase the elephant out
of the room. I agree with him that you should not control who he is
Facebook friends with.

Dear Amy: "Had It" was irritated that her baby shower gift was not
acknowledged.

What would you do if a family member had a bridal shower, received
numerous gifts, did not acknowledge them, then canceled the wedding
and did not return the gifts?

That is the situation in our family. Now a year later, she is planning
another wedding with a different groom-to-be.

Do you think another gift is in order? - Carolyn, Denver

Dear Carolyn: By not acknowledging or returning these bridal gifts,
this prospective bride saved you the trouble of shopping, wrapping
and giving her another one.

Send questions via email to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy,
Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Amy
Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a
Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.