TANKS FOR OUR SAFETY

Just What We Need

If you've been losing sleep because of the scarcity of tanks in Butte
County, you're in luck. According to a recent article in the Oroville
Mercury-Register, the Butte County Sheriff's Office and the Chico
Police Department plan to use a pending Homeland Security grant to buy
an armored vehicle.

What a good idea. The courageous defenders of freedom who ordered
raids on all those people last year over lawful medical cannabis just
because they could get away with it want a fucking tank. A year after
that travesty of justice and good sense a handful of arrests have been
made, sometimes for something the goons found rifling through the
victims' possessions, including their hard drives. We allow so many
laws to exist that few people could stand the scrutiny we currently
let governments impose on us, and I'm guessing such people are
insufferably dull.

Technically, our brave peace officers don't plan to buy a tank. They
plan to buy a tactical armored vehicle, probably with a turret gun
port on top, running boards, a battering ram, and tires that work even
if they're flat, but I bet when they come for you the lack of tank
tracks won't matter.

The Butte County tank is expected to hold three or four people and
cost $230,000, depending on options. Although clearly a toy, it's a
necessity now because this one time cops used a dump truck from the
city to get close to a suspect in Butte Creek Canyon who had them
pinned down by gunfire. It seems like creative use of a dump truck to
me and frugal to boot, but for cops it means now they need a tank.

Chico Police Sgt. Rob Merrifield allegedly said, "The vehicle will
probably be deployed to every incident in the county where there is a
potential for an armed standoff or where police officers face extreme
hazards." Since the potential for an armed standoff exists anywhere
there are cops, the Butte County tank is likely to be busy. I wonder
what kind of gas mileage it gets.

On the other hand, the article in question was written by the same
reporter who did such a sloppy job on the story about Gregory Wright's
latest catastrophe. Maybe he got it wrong again and our local heroes
actually want to put that money into compensation and services for the
people locked up in Butte County for victimless crimes, where the only
one with a beef is the arresting officer. Maybe they plan to use the
money for meditation and mindfulness training for themselves and their
underlings.

Or maybe they're gonna buy a tank.