DRUG TESTS

Hurray! Now that our good governor has signed into law a provision
that will save us from the drug-ravaged poor who use public money to
buy drugs, we must now go after the rest of those violent drug users.

By all means start with our teachers. They must be tested lest they
corrupt our naive youth. And we must protect ourselves against those
uniformed police and firemen. Who knows what they do when under the
influence of drugs? None of us will be safe in our beds.

And then, of course, there are our elected officials. They must be
tested at least daily or they might rob us even more than they do now.
I am not forgetting the news media, as they are a danger even when not
on drugs, and we can't omit them.

And, finally, we have the military! Vietnam was only the start, who
knows what depravity in which they engage? The thought of testing our
brave warriors is daunting, but I am sure our wise legislators can
devise a law that will protect us against a rabid military.

And what about the rest of us, the oligarchs, the wage earners, our
mothers, our fathers, the baby-sitters? The mind reels at the
ramifications of this perfidious disease. Gov. Scott, we throw
ourselves on your wise authority to protect us against these dangers
that threaten us.

Ralph D. Bell

Coconut Creek