MOTHERS OPEN HEARTS & SOULS

Little House Society Series Allows Women to Share Painful Stories Of
Their Children's Substance Addictions

The small group of women gathered in a room in a Tsawwassen church has
experienced a pain known by only a few, a pain rarely talked about.

The women are all mothers of addicts.

The group came together for six Saturdays in April and May for The
Heart of a Mother, a series of workshops aimed at women concerned
about a child or grandchild's substance use. They came seeking help
and guidance to better deal with their child's addiction and the
effect it has on the family.

Hosted by the Little House Society and guided by Kathleen Landry, who
has more than 15 years of counselling experience, and Janine Nowacka,
who has worked as an addictions counsellor for six years, the sessions
tried to answer questions covering substance abuse and addiction, why
it happens and what parents should or shouldn't do.

Susan* has been going to Al-Anon meetings for three years in an
attempt to deal with her 21-year-old son's addiction. She said she
heard about The Heart of a Mother from another Al-Anon member, but
felt at first the sessions might be too much.

That same week, she received a call from her son. It was 5 a.m. and he
was crying and pleading with her to come and pick him up.

"He was obviously not sober," she said.

But she went to pick him up anyway.

"I realized that that was a mistake," she said. "You want to help
him... you do things out of love that don't help them at all."

That experience pushed her to sign up for the sessions.

"It's made me feel not so alone," she said.

Susan said her son was "always a challenging child." By the time he
got to high school he had discovered marijuana and alcohol; by 19, he
was in the "cocaine lifestyle" in Ladner.

"Because there is one," she said. "In this community, there are far
more drugs than we're aware of."

Things hit a breaking point when Susan discovered her son was stealing
money out of her savings account to pay for drugs. She confronted him
and at that point he went into treatment.

The stories the women tell are different but there is a common thread
of pain, addiction and an intense love for their child as they journey
with them through addiction.

Marie knew her son, 20, was having difficulties but initially chalked
it up to teenaged angst.

"High school was a nightmare for him," she said, adding the typical
male "strong and silent" reaction kicked in.

She said she knew he had started experimenting with drugs and alcohol,
but it wasn't until that experimenting led to an assault conviction
the true nature of his problems was revealed. As part of his sentence,
Marie's son had to be home between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m. every night.

"Because he was at home a lot, that's when we really saw how bad it
was."

Marie said her son was doing (and taking) whatever he could to
self-medicate. He had two overdose scares that landed him in the
emergency room. With his mental state deteriorating, he agreed to go
into treatment.

Marie said he is now nearing the end of his treatment and will be
coming home soon.

She said The Heart of a Mother sessions have helped her learn to make
changes to how she, and her family, does things.

"Whatever we were doing as a family before wasn't working," she said.
"I will not react how I did in the past."

Jane had no idea her 19-year-old son had been addicted to Oxycontin (a
prescription pain killer that he was prescribed after a knee injury at
17) for two years until he tried to detox himself.

She said he was repeatedly sick with vomiting and diarrhea, and was in
a depressed mental state.

"We thought it was a severe depression," she said. "He was so adept at
hiding it from us. He lived with us, he was involved with our life."

Jane said she's learned a lot about how secretive teens and their
friends can be. She said she's talked to some of her son's friends who
have said they thought he would be able to work things out on his own.

Her son, now 20, entered treatment. He has since relapsed and the
family is now dealing with that.

Jane said her son has suffered from depression from a young age and
had been self-medicating throughout high school.

She said the sessions helped in the simple fact of being able to share
her story and experiences with other mothers.

"It's like a nightmare. It's a nightmare for families."

"We can't share our stories with everyone out there," said Linda,
whose 30-year-old son is dealing with alcoholism. "In these rooms
there's no judgment."

The mothers spoke of being able to share their stories and discuss
their despair freely.

Linda described her son as a gifted athlete. His athleticism afforded
him many opportunities, including attending private school.

She knew he drank but was proud of the fact he never did
drugs.

"I was in denial for a lot of years," she said. "Parents can
rationalize it -- kids will be kids... It took me a long time to get
it."

She said she finally got it the night she saw her son spend the night
in the emergency room drinking hand sanitizer.

"I got it," she said. "And it hurts and I feel shame."

Linda said she wants people to know addiction is not a
choice.

"Addicts don't want to be addicts. It's a disease. My son wants to be
well."

Little House Society president Jim Stimson said while the society is
currently fundraising to build a new house, the organization saw a
great need in the community for a program like The Heart of a Mother.

For 27 years, the Little House Society oversaw a house on 12th Avenue
in Tsawwassen that was used as a meeting place for addictions and
related recovery groups. In 2009, the house was destroyed by arson and
the group is now raising $250,000 to rebuild it.

The board and members decided to not only rebuild the house as a
multi-purpose facility to be used by recovery and other community
groups, but extend its mandate to look for ways to provide knowledge
and support to the community regarding substance abuse issues.

The society has already received a significant amount of donations,
both cash and in-kind, but is still about $95,000 from its goal.

For more information, or to make a donation, call Jim Stimson at
778-887-1828.

- - The names of the women have been changed.