PURITANS WITH BADGES

Puritanism, H.L. Mencken wrote, is "the haunting fear that someone,
somewhere, may be happy." In a state founded by Puritans, that spirit
lives on, if not in the minds of most citizens, at least in their government.

Even in the 21st century, in a land that celebrates personal freedom
and the breaking of boundaries, Massachusetts police, prosecutors and
pols still act like guardians of public virtue.

Exhibit A: Gov. Deval Patrick is leading an effort to punish people
for their snacking choices. He wants to take away the sales tax
exemption for some foods - sugary drinks and candy - which, consumed
in excess, make some people fat. Go for the healthy munchies and
drinks - or pay.

Exhibit B: Attorney General Martha Coakley, leading legislators and
district attorneys have decided that what Massachusetts really needs
is an all-out offensive against prostitution.

They are proposing a new crime: "human trafficking for sexual
servitude," which would allow convicted pimps, madams, or anyone else
facilitating the exchange of sex for money to be imprisoned for up to
20 years on the first offense, with a mandatory 10 years in the pen
if convicted a second time.

The 20-year sentence would also apply to anyone who recruits someone
to engage in a "sexually-explicit performance." If you're planning a
batchelor party, better do it soon, since this law would empower
Coakley to shut down the "gentlemen's clubs" and hire-a-stripper operations.

The proposed law considers prostitutes the "victims" of prostitution,
so it doubles the sentence for their customers. "Whoever pays, agrees
to pay, or offers to pay another person" for sex can be sentenced to
up to 2 1/2 years in jail and a $5,000 fine, "whether such sexual
conduct occurs or not."

Coakley stresses the victimization of children by sex traffickers,
and there are higher penalties - appropriately, I think - for
exploiting anyone under 18. Maybe there should be new programs or
laws targeting those who bring girls from overseas and keep them as sex slaves.

I know little about this beyond what I've read, but if you Google
"escorts Massachusetts" you get more than 5 million Internet
mentions, including websites from agencies with names like "I'm
Temporarily Yours," "Asian Delight" and "Exxoticexpress" that don't
sound coy about the services they offer. Personal ads, online or on
old-fashioned newsprint, indicate there are lots of consenting
Massachusetts adults engaging in the business of pleasure.

Well, we can't have that, can we? Here in the land of the Puritans,
there are some pursuits of happiness the authorities will not abide.

Exhibit C: In 2008, Massachusetts voters said simple possession of
small amounts of marijuana shouldn't be a crime. By a margin of
almost two-to-one, they changed the law so that adults caught with
less than an ounce of weed would be subject to a civil fine of $100.

Police and prosecutors didn't like Question 2 before it passed, and
have been grousing about it ever since. Hassling pot smokers is such
a habit with police that it took a recent Supreme Judicial Court
ruling to remind them that "the faint smell of burnt marijuana" was
not sufficient evidence of a crime to justify searching a vehicle.

Given the attitude expressed by voters, you might have thought the
two small marijuana plants found this week in the closet of a
Marlborough couple's apartment would be no big deal. Cut and dried,
the plants probably would have weighed less than an ounce, punishable
by a $100 fine. By growing their own, the couple avoided moral
complicity with violent druglords or other illicit activity.

But a maintenance worker looking for a leaky pipe dropped a dime on
the couple, and the Marlborough police came running. They saw the
fluorescent lights inside a foil-lined closet as evidence of a
criminal act, and hit the pair with a criminal charge: manufacturing
and cultivating a Class D substance.

Now, instead of a $100 civil violation, the couple faces fines of up
to $5,000 and as much as two years in jail. Not to mention their
lawyer's bills.

One referendum apparently isn't enough to send police a message. In
2003, Seattle voters took it a step further, enacting a law that said
city police and prosecutors must make adult use of marijuana their
"lowest law enforcement priority."

Voters may have to send a stronger message here, because despite the
earnest efforts of police and politicians, Bay State citizens keep
drinking soda, eating candy, smoking pot and having sex. And despite
the liberal leanings of the electorate, our modern-day Puritans can't
seem to stop themselves from intervening when someone, somewhere is
having fun.