MARIJUANA IS PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE

Legalization Would Ruin Politics for All of Us

Anyone walking around campus with an olfactory epithelium Wednesday
smelled their fellow students celebrating their self-declared holiday.
"4/20," as it is colloquially known, is a time for stoners and
enthusiasts to come together to smoke and revel in the vile and
illegal drug, marijuana.

Recently, there has been a lot of discussion about reforming laws that
control cannabis use and production. In fact, actions are being taken
to legalize both the growing and possessing of reefer. It is up to us
to rise up and protect our children from the menace that is marijuana.
Failing to do so will result in coming generations being little more
than stoners living in their parents' basements.

Marijuana is not the only variety of cannabis restricted by current
laws. The government, in their war on drugs, has also thankfully
restricted industrial hemp. In 1619 Jamestown, all farmers were by law
required to grow Indian hempseed a variant of cannabis. Thanks to
today's laws restricting the growing of cannabis, we have moved away
from the extremely environmentally friendly hemp plant towards more
damaging and satisfactory processes. Instead of using hemp paper, we
get to destroy forests for less pulp per acre. Let us also remember
hemp has countless other uses, including fabric and rope, which we
thankfully get to ignore thanks to our current cannabis control.

If marijuana were, by one hell of a long shot, to become legalized,
there would be havoc in our state government. Suddenly having $100
million in tax dollars not being wasted would surely confuse our
Legislature. The increased funding would potentially remove any need
for them to further cut funding to higher education. Clearly, they
would have to find another way to squander the money so as to continue
their favorite hobby of budget cutting.

And that is just the state government. Imagine how the federal
government would freak out if suddenly we were not spending $10
billion nationally on marijuana control. The inspiration for cutting
NPR and Planned Parenthood is gone. With legalization, we would have
to find a new reason for cutting these two satanic programs, which
collectively suck a mere $365 million in direct funding from our great
nation.

Then, of course, there is the number of people arrested each year for
this crime. In 2010, about 15,000 Washingtonians were arrested for
possession of Mary Jane. This also has the double benefit of making
them ineligible for federal scholarships, financial aid and pins a
nice big "do-not-hire" button on their chest at job interviews. Thank
goodness our fellow citizens are being labeled as degenerates,
otherwise we would have to compete even more for our
opportunities.

Besides, we do not need weed to be legalized anyway. We have perfectly
legal government-sponsored intoxicants. Having a generally recognized
healthier, non-habit forming, cheaper intoxicant is pointless when you
have the gems that are alcohol and tobacco at your disposal.

If marijuana were legalized, this country would degrade into one of
stoners and potheads. The news would have nothing scary to report due
to our decision makers being so relaxed. Think about it, Republicans
and Democrats actually having reasonable debates during a circle
session madness, I say! Congress full of relaxed Jeff Bridges
characters, calmly discussing issues. If that does not scare you,
clearly you are a stoner and degenerate already and your opinions do
not matter.

Thank goodness the war on drugs and the criminalization of cannabis is
protecting our youth. Without it, our children would be horribly
doomed for life. After all, no smoker of marijuana has ever gone on
and made something of himself. Say no to reason.