DIARY OF A MOTHER OF A CRYSTAL METH ADDICT

(Part 1)

My daughter started high school in Winnipeg's North End of Winnipeg in the
Fall of 2003. I remembered her voicing her anxiety of the first day as she
had heard that the tougher girls at the school had a problem with her. She
didn't understand why. She was worried that they were going to hurt her,
as this was the message they had passed along through a girl she knew.

She explained to me that she wished she could take a crash course on
boxing so she at least would know how to defend herself. I reassured her
that there was nothing they could do on school grounds and I would be
there for her right after school. Considering my daughter had moved to the
city the year prior from a small Christian community and had a personal
relationship with God, it had been a very difficult transition for her.

One day she was let out a bit early. Sure enough, this group of girls were
waiting outside for her. They surrounded her and threatened her. She had
just turned 15 and didn't have a chance against this older crowd.

Finally one of the tougher girls told them to leave her alone and informed
her that they ran the school. They wanted to let her know where she stood
in popularity at the school. Out of fear, my daughter decided to try to
keep peace with these girls and to befriend them.

This is where our story begins. By the end of October I noticed my
daughter bringing home a new group of friends to meet us and they seemed
older than her. Within weeks my daughter was skipping classes and we were
doing joint visits with the counsellor on a weekly basis to ensure her
attendance would improve.

Each week it just became increasingly more evident that there was a new
existing problem. She seemed to be losing her desire to be in class and
attain credits - not like her at all. Amazingly, she still remained
respectful towards me and didn't allow our relationship to be altered.

I continued to get calls regarding attendance and noticed that she very
seldom would be at home when I would be finished work. I would have to
phone around to find her and often she would say she was on her way home,
not to arrive until hours later. This was completely out of character for
her.

She seemed to always feel guilt throughout this time regarding her changes
in attitude and behaviour, but said she didn't know what was wrong with
her. I would try to get to the root of the problem and keep our lines of
communication open. I knew there was something going on, but thought maybe
it was more a rebellious teen stage where she was searching for more
independence.

I consistently kept on top of her and would instil appropriate forms of
punishment when needed. She would always graciously accept her wrongdoings
and punishments. However this was not enough to turn around our new
situation.

I then noticed that she was looking gaunt and losing weight as the next
month proceeded. By this time she had been forced to leave the school
system due to her absences till the next term.

We were rounding December and now had a new dilemma as the boredom was
setting in. Being a single parent, I had to continue to work to pay the
necessary bills and to be able to continue to take care of my family.

It was very difficult to be in both places at once and made it much easier
for her to continue involvement with these new "friends." Most of them
hardly ever attended classes either and were in school more to socialize.
I had had several discussions with the guidance counsellor regarding her
new friends to realize that they were definitely taking my daughter down a
path of destruction.

Whenever I would try to kibosh these friendships, I seemed to make them
more appealing. These friends definitely were professionals at
manipulation and convincing her that they were true friends who cared.

Throughout all of this she never verbally or physically abused our family
or passed the fine line of disrespect. This always helped me to believe
that my baby girl was still in there somewhere - just lost at the time.

Then in December my daughter was definitely acting very strange - staring
off a lot. She was deteriorating as the days progressed and I knew by
these symptoms that there was a much bigger problem. She was becoming much
more withdrawn and our lines of communication were becoming shorter and
more vague.

I tried on several occasions to talk with her and she would always say,
"Everything is fine Mom. Stop worrying so much. I am just tired. I just
have a lot on my mind that I need to work out. I will be okay."

As the months progressed she was staying out later and then angry or
frustrated when I would find her, drag her home or address her when she
would get home.

I am one of those mothers that wasn't going to watch her drift without a
huge battle. I would phone all her friends homes, and on a few occasions
go directly where she was with my sons and remove her.

Right before Christmas I remember her waking me up about 4 a.m. in the
morning when I had thought she had been in bed sleeping. I found out they
had left our home once I fell asleep and were in an automobile accident.
At this point I realized that there had to be other forms of intervention
to truly help this situation.

I called out McDonald Youth Services to help intervention strategies with
us as a family at this time. My daughter was very withdrawn at first, then
agreed to tell us what was going on in true honesty. Through the tears and
shaking, she admitted she had been introduced to a drug called crystal
meth and was now addicted to it.

She told us how these friends had told her it was a good way to lose
weight, she would feel practically normal on it and there wasn't anything
to worry about. After only a couple of times of trying it she was
addicted.

She wrestled this battle on her own for months on her own. She had tried
to quit on numerous occasions and felt like she would die if she didn't
have it - the withdrawals were like nothing she could describe.

We graciously accepted her news with open arms and unconditional love. We
expressed our concerns and love for her and asked to be more educated on
this drug. As I was being informed of the severity of this addiction, I
remember thinking that I was going to collapse from a heart attack. I
couldn't believe that this drug was taking over my beautiful, outgoing,
loving and giving daughter. I very quickly came to learn that this was the
worst of all addictive drugs to date and that if we couldn't get her clean
it would be only a matter of time till she was dead.

She voluntarily agreed to go to counselling and began courses at the AFM
center here in Winnipeg with the youth department. She attended these
courses faithfully and over time I could see my daughter finding herself
again.

She agreed to go one step farther and to attend a rehabilitation program
live in at Southport Centre just outside of Portage La Prairie. She
entered the program shortly thereafter. I remember the fear on her face
the night prior to her leaving.

It was such an enormous step and so very scary at age 15 to be leaving her
family to live in a centre on her own for three months. We took her to the
centre the next day and she was scared, yet very proud of her choice. I
remember her voicing that she was going to conquer this addiction and was
so glad she would be with people that understood her problem and other
kids who had similar problems.

Unfortunately, one hour after we got there to register I knew she was
attending this program at a bad time due to the attitudes of the kids in
the program at the time. I knew this was not going to be as easy for her.
She was aggressively addressed by the girls in the centre and they were
definitely of a rougher nature than my daughter. She had a very
uncomfortable look to her when they responded sarcastically to her. She
looked at me like, "Mom get me out of here!"

As we were waiting for her to get unpacked in her room, we were standing
outside of the room and one of the girls walked past her and indiscreetly
hip checked her into the wall to let her know who was boss. I couldn't
believe she did this right in front of my family. I reminded my daughter
that she had options and she exclaimed that no one else was going to take
away her chance to get her own life back and she was staying. I was very
proud of her determination and maturity for her age.

She made it about half way through the program with several incidents of
severe crying and devastation from continual torment from these girls. I
remember her phoning me on several occasions and I would offer to come and
get her. She still tried to stick it out. I reported some of the incidents
to her counsellor and my concerns for her welfare as she couldn't focus on
the real reason she was there.

They were fabulous and removed the one main instigator of the problem but
there was the one bully still left. Finally half way through the program
my daughter had taken all the flack she could handle and fought back. The
policies in the center are no violence of any kind and she was suspended
from the program.

I went to pick her up the next day and she was all packed and ready to
leave. We got out to the car and she burst into tears. She claimed, "I am
going to miss this place and now I don't know what I am going to do Mom! I
just couldn't take anymore. I am recovering from an addiction and that is
hard enough without being tormented all the time. I know I didn't handle
it right and I should have never fought back but I just couldn't help it."

I held her hand and told her that everything happens for a reason and we
would figure it out yet. She smiled amidst the tears and squeezed my hand.