WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN

A repressed population of subversive criminals celebrates behind
drawn curtains and closed doors today, solemnly sparking spliffs or
ripping bong hits to commemorate 420, International Pot Smoking Day.
But April 20 is much more than a day to call in sick and buy a
quarter-ounce of weed - it's also a record-breaking day for marijuana
(and, later in the night, pizza) delivery services. April 20 is a day
to blearily celebrate unproductivity, paranoia, gluttony and low
sperm counts, a day when new standards of uselessness are established
for later generations who will probably have way better pot to smoke.

April 20 is also the b-day of Johnny Thrice, onetime raver message
board freak and exclusive Canadian distributor for Ecler's excellent
mixers and audio equipment (www.soundwerksaudio.com). And it's also
the b-day of Mark "The Terminator" Belson, certified luthier and
brain behind Montreal-based hard techno label Adverse Recordings,
which has managed to stay well under radar range releasing
underground tek bombs from The Anxious, Dean Rodell and Carlos Rios.
April 20 is also, of course, the birth date of Adolf Hitler, surmised
by leading theorists to have been brainwashed and aided by the
illuminati at the British Military Psych-Ops War School in 1912 as a
key component of their plan to create a New World Order (Greg
Hallett, Hitler Was a British Agent). The Nazi empire and the ensuing
world war created a rift within the European economy and allowed
Washington D.C., seen as the symbolic headquarters of the Luciferian
cause, to assert itself as the international military and economic
leader.

Incidentally, 420 is not a police code or penal code indicator for
marijuana offences in any country or state, nor is it the number of
chemical compounds in THC, nor is 4:20 the Bible verse where it's
decreed that smoking reefer is cool with God. However, 4:20 p.m. was
the time that Swiss scientist Albert Hofmann, as recorded in his lab
notes, first deliberately dosed himself with LSD on April 19, 1943.
April 19 also marked the anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing and
of the Branch Davidian hecatomb at Waco. Hofmann celebrated his 100th
birthday in January of this year.

April 20 is also the date on which 13 students lost their lives in
the infamous Columbine High School massacre in Colorado, likely due
to the perpetrators' fascination with Hitler more than any sort of
weed-related inspiration. Always a hotbed of 4/20 activity, Colorado
marked the day in 1914 with a government authorized, Rockefeller-
funded assault on a colony striking against the Colorado Fuel & Iron
Corporation. Initially attacking with gunfire, the militia finally
torched the entire makeshift tent village, slaughtering 66 people,
including women and at least 11 children. No militiamen were charged
with a crime. Last year the University of Colorado's police force
made its first attempt to break up the school's renowned April 20
smoke-in on Farrand Field. While over 2,000 got blazed, the police
retreated in defeat. Let's see what happens this year.

Humans celebrate 4/20 day in various ways: Saphir's Mix Thursday
assembles Techno.fm DJs Kilobyte, Bind, Doc Funk and B-Rock for an
evening commemorating the growing popularity of the Montreal-based
Internet radio station. Streaming local and international DJs live
and via podcast 24 hours a day, Techno.fm also counts among its
residents Jester Recording's psy-tech DJ Clown (author of last week's
colossal rave Rewire 2), Ottawa-based hard acid selector S-4 of the
Lou Cypher Project, Boston-based underground icon Craig Mitchell,
Burlington d'n'b DJ Sekhmet and many more (www.techno.fm).

Le Kopshop kick off their new night upstairs at Saphir with special
guest Cosmo Baker joining residents Masterbeater and Atach Tatuq's
Naes. The eclectic Baker, best known recently for his Brooklyn-based
party-cum-DJ-collective The Rub, is a local legend in his hometown of
Philadelphia, learning the ropes under King Britt and eventually
having his storytelling, quasi-mashup DJ style cited as a key
influence of current Philly upstarts Diplo and Low Budget ($7 before
midnight).

Dav and Simon B's Bump! is now a Thursday weekly at the intimate
Kunta Lounge. Local soulful vocal house producer JLove is their 420
guest.

Track of the Day You know that Dylan track where he says "everybody
must get stoned"? Well, it's actually called Rainy Day Women #12 &
35. Multiply 12 by 35 and you get 420.