LOOKING AT THE BEST OPTIONS FOR TREATING PAINFUL PAINS

It was a dark and stormless magical, Mary Jane-ish Jamaican morning
when we headed off to the lush hill country on a pilgrimage to the
small rasta village of Nine Miles. Nine Miles is high, really high.

"What's he writing about this time, Ralph? Jerk?"

"Buffoon."

"No, I mean maybe he's writing about the health benefits of Jamaican
jerk or rum or something ridiculous, I can't tell half the time where
he' going with his stupid stories, jerk."

"Buffoon."

After a couple of hours our Jeep had climbed to within a few miles of
Nine Miles, the birthplace, home and resting place of Bob Marley
- -reggae's Graceland.

We had stopped to enjoy the vista when a young Jamaican lass, adorned
in lemon rind yellow and Lorne green skipped down the potholed path.
(Jamaican drivers all state that they are PhD's: pot hole dodgers).

"G'mornin' mon,"she greeted as she then opened a sack unveiling
reefers the size of Gary Coleman. Being a responsible physician and
with my wife there and all, I, of course, refrained from buying any.

"Ha! What he probably means is the girl couldn't break a $50!"

"Quit interrupting, please," though a couple of others in our Jeep
with smaller bills made a donation to the young lass.

"We gittin' closah to Bobmarley,"our driver announced, Bobmarley now
a one-word, one-love sort of name.

"Ya man, I can sense it in the air."

Cannabis is grown, apparently illegally, all over Jamaica but up in
the Bobmarley hills, I believe, it is illeal not to partake of a
little Marley barley.

"You think he's telling the truth, Ralph?"

"I never know." "Well, I don't care if he is or isn't, he is such a
handsome dog."

"Wha . haven't you seen the photo? He's off his rocker again."

While some doctors are unsure of approving the use of non-approved
medical cannabis, most are aware of Health Canada's most recent
Medical Marijuana Access Regulations that allows(and for a cost will
even supply) the use of medical marijuana for the sickest patients.
Patients who might qualify include Category 1 patients -those who
suffer pain or persistent muscle spasms, nausea, weight loss or
seizures but ONLY if they are secondary to MS, cancer, severe
arthritis, spinal cord injury/disease,AIDS and epilepsy. Category 2
patients include those with other debilitating conditions but who
require a specialist's confirmation that medical marijuana is a
viable treatment option for their case.

But all doctors have patients who, almost conspiratorially,
whisper,"I have to say, doctor, that I tried a little of my . ah .
friend's marijuana and my pain/nausea/spasms disappeared."And while
doctors feel a tad awkward advising patients to "smoke two of these
and call me in the morning,"we are always looking at the best options
for treating your painful pains and problematic problems. So even
though many of us doctors might hesitate to recommend pot as a potion
for your pain some of us will go ahead and fill out the government
forms for which, of course, we will charge you. I know I charge the
standard and then even add a surcharge to help top up my Jamaican
vacation fund. I can hear you all now.

"Jerk!"