IF MARIJUANA WAS COMPLETELY LEGAL IN MADISON

A few days ago, California came just 7.6 percent short from a full
legalization of marijuana in its much-hyped and controversial
Proposition 19 vote. Needless to say, I almost dropped my croissant
upon reading this news during my morning Internet current events binge.

Then I started thinking in hypotheticals. One can argue it's
inevitable that marijuana will be legalized in the United States at
some point in the future, with fairly credible statistics backing
them up. So let's say tomorrow, being some point in the future,
marijuana was declared fully legal in Madison with no strings
attached, turning our city into the world's largest Bob Marley fan
club of all time. What would happen? Who would benefit? Would society
change for the better? Or would we all succumb to sitting on our
couches, giggling whilst watching morning cartoons in Spanish?

First, I think it's fair to say that if you were to drop a foreign
nomad into the heart of Madison with no knowledge of local
legislation and had them follow a sociable student around, they'd
soon believe the leaf was already legalized.

The homeless smoke, Greeks smoke, gamers smoke, student artists and
musicians most definitely smoke. Even the biggest geeks on campus
will "geek out" just for kicks, maybe to add a little spice to their
episode of "Battlestar Galactica" or to help immerse themselves in an
intense game of "Dungeons and Dragons" (does anyone play that anymore?).

Not to mention we have a yearly holiday in which all tokers unite in
a march for their beloved THC on State Street and smoke their brains
out, right under the plugged noses of local law enforcement. So would
a full legalization of marijuana change things here besides
eliminating the minor inconvenience of the awkward
drug-dealer-to-client relationship?

If you could pick up a pack of joints filled with Afghani Kush at
Triangle Market for cheap, I think it's safe to say more people would
be smoking reefer and smoking a hell of a lot more of it. It's hard
to imagine there would be a positive effect on the academic
performances of the majority of students here, especially those who
have homework that involves complex equations or chemical reactions.
I don't care who you ask-math, chemistry and marijuana don't mix. If
anyone says otherwise, they're either Einstein reincarnated or an
habitual liar. On the other hand, classes involving art, deep
thinking or being easily amused would probably be positively affected.

There would be fewer arrests-a lot fewer. Not only would no one be
arrested for carrying around dime bags, but I think people would be
less inclined to go out and walk the streets hammered, being content
to sit around a bong and a pack of Oreos, listening to music or
watching movies. Maybe the cops would even be stoned and therefore
less motivated to throw convicts in the slammer.

The SERF would most certainly be emptier than ever, mainly because
swimming and running go along with being high about as well as peanut
butter and hot sauce. Taco Bell and Chipotle could expect record
sales, as well as Ragstock; and students could actually browse head
shops for glass pipes without getting thrown out for mentioning the
word weed. Cigarette sales would plummet-after all, who's going to
buy a pack of Camels when there's a pack of the green stuff sitting
right next to it for the same price?

Truth be told, I don't think anyone knows just what would happen with
a full legalization of America's favorite recreational drug. Maybe a
good idea would be to do a test run, legalizing it for a month or so
just to test the waters. But then again, curious politicians would
probably be too stoned by the end date to change the law back again
if it was needed.