OPRF HIGH SCHOOL IS RIGHT - STUDENTS ARE NOT PEOPLE

I'm so relieved to find out that searches can now be conducted on
students attending Oak Park and River Forest High School [OPRF
clarifies procedures for searching students, News, July 28]. As shown
by the most unreliable study ever written, the Illinois State Youth
Survey, the high school has a raging drug problem, especially one
concerning marijuana use. If you have not taken health class at the
high school, let me inform you on marijuana: Marijuana is a drug that
is equally as destructive and addicting as heroin, and if smoked,
will give you cancer and cause death, unless it is smoked for
medicinal purposes or in Amsterdam, for then it will only be as
inhibitive as alcohol and isn't a serious threat.

Searches are OK, because students have no privacy. Due to the
survey's results, we have reason to believe that everyone is carrying
drugs or other illicit items. We should also frisk them for weapons,
just in case. And don't worry; it's OK, because according to Terry v.
Ohio (1968), frisking is a search, but it does not invade privacy
enough to count as a search. And since students don't have any
privacy to begin with, we don't have to worry about reasonable
suspicion! I'm so glad that the high school can do so much to solve
the problems that could not - in any way, shape or form - come from
our middle schools, for they are too perfect. High schoolers are
inherently evil, and putting more restrictions on them will not
result in more protests against the institution, only immediate,
inexpensive solutions.

As for the breathalyzers, we need them. In fact, we should force
students to take a drug test during each passing period, to make sure
that they aren't injecting marijuana into their veins. It's
completely legal, because students don't have any moral right to
their bodily fluids. Why would they? Their bodily fluids don't belong
to them, they belong to the school! If any student refuses to take
the test because it is "immoral" and "may or may not be a violation
of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Articles 3, 5 and 12,"
we should expel him or her from the school, for he or she is probably
under the influence of marijuana. And as we know, nothing good can
come to those who even try marijuana once, for from the moment they
agree to try it, they will fail at everything else in life and will
definitely not become the 43rd or 44th president of the United States.

Paul Deziel

Paul Deziel is a 2010 OPRF grad and River Forest resident.