'CANNABIS GAVE ME MY LIFE BACK'

Marie Summers Was In A 'Prison Of Pain', Until She Overcame
Inhibitions About Using An Illegal Drug. The Result Seemed Like A Miracle

Tell someone that you suffer from chronic migraine and you're unlikely
to get sympathy in scale to the pain you suffer.

Tell them you've got chronic migraine causing neuro-deficit, plus a
small cavernoma with venous angioma and you will understandably get a
blank stare. This collection of words is woefully inadequate at
conveying the pain that has systematically dismantled my brain and
disabled my body, but they are all I have without resorting to
illustrations.

I'd suffered from worse than average migraines my whole life but
gradually throughout my twenties the pain and frequency intensified. A
couple of years ago I began to realise there was no longer a gap
between attacks. My brain slipped into a loop, migraine begetting
migraine, pain creating more pain, and nothing could stop the
juggernaut of my malfunction.

Despite heavyweight preventative medications (each with its own
difficult side-effects), mid-2009 my daily migraine became more
sinister. I'd lived in constant pain for so long that I expected
nothing better; what I did not anticipate was the rest of my body
rebelling as well. Suddenly I couldn't walk, and it wasn't because I
was in pain, it was because my legs were simply randomly unable. When
I tried to force myself I began to shake and jerk, like a leaf caught
in a storm, then I usually lost consciousness. I couldn't focus on
reading and writing or long conversations, and any movement made me
unmanageably nauseous; I was nearly always unable to get out of bed. I
was in and out of hospital but we kept coming back to the fact that
migraines are doing this to my brain. If migraines continue to run
amok within me they will progressively destroy my quality of life and
potentially, significantly shorten it.

It's difficult to describe what living within a broken body feels like
without sounding as if it's a call for pity. Pity is not what is
wanted, understanding is. When pain is a constant, sickness and
weakness creep into every corner of your self, and your mind begins to
lose memories or words, you feel a wasted husk of a human. All the
potential you once had seems a shadow, your beauty ephemeral and
faded; you begin to feel a liability to those you love.

In what felt like a moment of madness, I Googled the medicinal effects
of cannabis on migraines and related neurological conditions. What I
found was a surprise, and almost an unwanted one at that. I didn't
want to read how effective it could be, because I didn't want to feel
compelled to try something that I'd once done for an illicit pleasure.
I've been trained to expect my medicine to be extremely unpleasant,
and like the Victorians were with sex, if I'm enjoying it I must be
doing something wrong. After reading arguments for and against, I
decided that trying cannabis had significantly less risk of
side-effects than nearly every other prescription drug I had already
legally tried, but with less of a "hit and miss" approach to the
matter. I, like most chronic pain sufferers, am strongly advised not
to take any pain relievers, from morphine to paracetamol, because they
cause rebound pain and significantly compound the problem. When modern
medicine sentences you to a lifeti! me of pain with little hope for a
cure this simply adds insult to injury. Medical evidence shows that
cannabis almost certainly does not cause rebound pain; in this it is
almost unique among viable pain relief medicines. The opportunity to
break the cycle chipping away at my brain seemed to be presenting
itself; I still had to decide if I was brave enough to break the law
at the advanced parental age of 31.

Taking my inspiration from Bertrand Russell, who said, "One should as
a rule, respect public opinion in so far as is necessary to avoid
starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond
this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny, and is likely
to interfere with happiness in all kinds of ways," I reflected on the
aspect of staying out of prison. This is of crucial importance to me,
not for my own sake (I can be sick anywhere) but for my young son's.
Once I resolved that I was prepared to fight any charge that might be
brought upon me in the event I was caught with cannabis, the decision
had made itself.

After managing to find some marijuana, it sat unused and hidden in a
far corner of the house. I continued to suffer as before, but I'd lost
my courage. I remembered being high as a teenager, and I didn't want
to be like that again. I didn't want to lose control of myself amid a
roomful of sober adults. My internal battle waged for four weeks. Four
weeks of society's conditioning wearing away while I wept. Finally one
night when the pain became too extraordinary, it was either try the
pot or go to A&E to be scanned in case I'd had an aneurysm. In my
hospital-jaded and exhausted state, I finally opted for the pot,
reasoning that if it was an aneurysm it would still be there
afterwards, but if not I'd feel better and save myself an unnecessary
trip.

Within minutes of taking a small amount of cannabis there was not an
inch of my body in pain, and my tremors had stopped. My body felt at
peace, and I don't think I can ever convey the enormity of that to
anyone. Nothing hurt or felt wrong. I was still weak, but I could move
with as much ease and grace as I used to. Yes, I was intoxicated, but
it was not how I remembered it from my teenage years. Perhaps it was
the smaller amount I used, just enough to free my body from its
prison. I felt I was smiling more than usual, but this truly seemed to
be because the mantle of agony I am normally covered in had been
lifted. I certainly wasn't hearing or saying unusual things.
Nevertheless, the "high" period was brief yet the health effects
remained for a full 24 hours. It seemed to be a miracle. I tried to
imagine the warning label if this was manufactured by a pharmaceutical
company: "Will induce slight giddiness and loss of any concept of time
for approximately two hours. Full bene! ficial effects will continue
for 24 hours." An acceptable trade-off?

I had two weeks of this beautiful cure, and every day of those two
weeks I became stronger. I was able to take up activities long
abandoned and sorely missed. The excitement my husband and I felt was
palpable. If I took it slowly, I was nearly normal and every minute my
brain was taken out of its loop it was being allowed to recover.
Personally, this is a joy, but in the bigger picture it could be an
economic blessing. If the sick and disabled can benefit from cannabis
the benefits would be felt by relieving the strain on the NHS and
allowing some patients or carers to return to the workforce.

Sadly I don't know how reliably I'll be able to find cannabis. After
years of searching I found something that can make my life bearable,
even productive, but it's just out of reach. I have every intention of
continuing to seek it out, but I don't know how achievable it will be.
If you've been touched by cancer, HIV, MS, fibromyalgia or rheumatoid
arthritis you are among many who could possibly benefit from cannabis,
but I would advise each person to fully research for themselves and
speak to a trusted medical professional.

Most patients, friends, family members, doctors and politicians know
that there is a great truth here that deserves more than it's
receiving. We need widespread medical trials now, and laws quickly
changed to reflect the findings. It seems what is holding us back is
not truth, but fear. Fear of a deluge of change and a "too liberal"
domino effect that cannot be anticipated. My life and my family traded
for your peace of mind, so you can be sure everything is as it always
was.

Of course medicinal cannabis doesn't have the same scope for making
large pharmaceutical companies big profits that drugs such as
Olanzapine or Lorazepam do. After all, how would you patent a
daffodil? This would not be a deterrent for law-making in a civilised
society, but in ours, perhaps. It's time that we collectively grew up,
and realised that the longer this issue remains unresolved we are
throwing lives, money and progress down the drain. This may be one
case where the grass really is greener on the other side.

Marie Summers is a pseudonym

Cannabis as a medicine

* Research has indicated that cannabis can relieve pain and nausea and
stimulate the appetite, and can also help with the symptoms of
diseases such as HIV, cancer and multiple sclerosis, but people who
use cannabis regularly over a long period may develop a dependence on
it.

* In 1999, a House of Lords inquiry recommended that cannabis be made
available with a doctor's prescription. Long-term clinical trials have
been authorised but no conclusions have been made.

* It is legal for medical use in countries including Canada, Austria,
Germany, the Netherlands, Spain, Israel, Italy, Finland, Portugal and
14 US states.

* Medicinal cannabis is primarily smoked, but it can be administered
in capsules or by eating or drinking extracts. The two main components
are THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol) and CBD (Cannabidiol). A high level of
THC is what causes the user to get high, whereas higher levels of CBD
lessen some of the effects of THC and increase others, making it more
suitable for medicinal use.

* Colin Davies, 42, of Stockport was acquitted of supplying two MS
sufferers with medical marijuana by Manchester Crown Court July 1999.
Davies himself took the drug after suffering side-effects from
prescription drugs. The judgment was the first of its kind in a
British court.

* Jason Turner, 23, of Clifton, was spared jail by Nottingham Crown
Court in 2009 after pleading guilty to producing cannabis in his loft,
on the grounds that he needed it to help relieve the pain caused by
the severe arthritis that he had experienced since birth.